Kathy = Big, Lazy, Pregnant, Slob

I have a perfectly good, pregnancy-safe, aerobic workout DVD. I have done it four times. I have known I was pregnant for over a month. That's 26 slack off days.

I used to ride pretty much every day. What the eff happened?

I mean, yes. I'm tired. Exhausted most of the time. My back hurts. (yadda yadda, complain complain)

There are two main reasons. They are these: the DVD both annoys and frightens me.

It annoys me because the host, who is approximately 3,000 months pregnant at the time of the filming, keeps saying stuff like, "Four more for your baby!" Which is emotional blackmail, to my way of thinking. Which means, "Don't slack off, or you're basically giving up on your child! Look at you, you're a terrible mother already!"

It frightens me, because, did I mention? The host is PREGNANT. Not, you know. Pregnant. She is huge. Massive. She was clearly a tiny, athletic woman pre-pregnancy, and when she filmed the video, a comically large, round object was jutting out not only from her stomach, but through her back. Her back, just by the base of the spine, is rounded outward. Convex.

I paused it the first time I did it when she was turned sideways, and then again when she turned toward the camera. There is no way that woman had that baby the traditional way. That baby had to have torn her in half. It is ridiculous to consider otherwise. Don't give me that "it's a miracle what our bodies are capable of" bullcrap. There are miracles, and then there are the standard, unbreakable laws of space/time and physics.

I'm not that tiny, but I'm not so big either. Not small-boned, but my wrists are pretty small. I've never, call me crazy, considered the relative size of my pelvic bones compared to the average woman, nor do I really care to do any investigating on that. Suffice it to say, if I end up looking anything like the host of that DVD of mine, they're going to have to find some sort of major anxiety medication I can take in my third trimester that's safe for the baby.