I Have Questions

1. Is there anything more embarrassing than having your cell phone go off in the middle of the new mom's group at the hospital while a very severe pediatrician is speaking to the group...and your ringtone is Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me? Wasn't me, but boy did that lady look embarrassed.
   
2. Is it possible for your head not to jerk toward the television when you hear the phrase, "reduction in semen"? It's during a commercial that plays about a hundred times an hour during the Tour de France coverage on OLN, but I'm still not used to it. Pulls my full attention every time.
   
3. Why do I want so much for the baby to crawl when a) it's not a true milestone and 2) it's bound to make my life much more lively, interesting, and fraught with danger the moment it happens?
   
4. If diet Coke is going to end up inside my laptop through stupidity on my part, is it entirely fair that the only place it goes and the only part it fries is the most expensive one? I need a new motherboard. Sigh. Is it karmic punishment for leaving a can of soda next to my laptop? I mean, it was dumb, but $500 worth of dumb? Really?
   
5. Where should I take the B today? I'm running out of antique malls and it's too hot to take her someplace where we have to stay outside. Ah, I guess I'll come up with something.