If one more person tells me that I will someday soon not care about something that seems fundamentally, diametrically opposed to who I know I am now and what I am comfortable and capable of, I will honestly yell at them until my voice is hoarse.
I don't care if I'm wrong. I don't care if they're right. That's still an arrogant and dismissive thing to say. I really hope I've never said anything that stupid and insensitive to anyone else. If I have done so to you, accept this as my formal apology.
What is it about this time right before you become a parent that makes some of the people around you treat you like a child? Doesn't that irony strike anyone as odd? And I know it's not just me. I have recently spoken to a couple of people who were recently in this situation and it happened to them, too.
There are many of you who may be reading this who have been nothing but supportive and really only talked to me about pregnancy related things when I brought them up or asked them a question or for their opinion. I love you people.
Good lord. Is October nearly gone already? Heavens. I can hear the clock ticking louder now. Maybe this is just me freaking out.
But I mean it about that "you won't care about _____" stuff. Seriously, don't ever say that to anyone. I can't imagine anything more disrespectful to their view of who they are and what they need in order to be comfortable.
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6 comments:
Oh, but you won't care about people who say you won't care about ...
That was funnier in my head, honest.
It's funny that you appear to have meant this in the context of people saying "you won't care once you're a parent." Because the context I always hear it in is from my staunchly Republican grandfather who has on many occasions assured me that "everyone is a Democrat when they're young, but then they grow old and become Republicans." I find this one doubly offensive, because not only does it assume that something diametrically opposed to my current belief system will "make sense to me" in the future, but it assumes that "age brings wisdom" as if that's a given. Sometimes, sure. Other times, it just brings senility.
Fortunately, my grandfather, who I do love, has only ever pulled this line on me in e-mail (mostly forwards) and never in person. I doubt very much I could contain myself.
How old is your dad? I'm 51 and couldn't be more liberal Democrat. Nothing has changed for me. If that's the way his politics work, I feel sorry for him.
That "you won't care" condescending crap is uncalled for and insulting.
Dr, you're lucky you won't ever wander the earth pregnant. I've never had so many people say so many unsolicited questionable things. I mainly don't end up angry and yelling because they take me so much by surprise that the moment has passed before my brain catches up. There are many people who have spontaneously done something nice for me, but I do have to say it tends to balance out with the bizarre and the sublime.
What's weird is that I get the "you won't care" in several contexts. I get the "you won't care about ______ once you're in pain" AND the "you won't care about ______ once you've been a parent for awhile". (Fill in the blanks with any number of things, most of which are things I can't imagine not caring about.)
I don't argue that I won't be worn down by certain things and that does tend to make one re-assess, but some things are fundamental. I just don't know how you could dismiss all of the myriad different kind of people who are pregnant at any given time and say, "ah, they'll all feel the same way when that pain hits them".
I should note that, just as LWC told me, you get this more from people who have had babies or people who have been there when babies were born and seem to assume that the way they reacted is the only normal, natural way to react. It comes with an air of, "Oh, you just don't get it yet" and you get the impression that if you were to hunt that person down later and tell them it was different for you, it would somehow explode their world view that someone might have a different experience of life than their own.
Did I say that? In which case, I apologise. I think I mentioned to your other half that he would have things other than his lawn to worry about next year, but (let's keep on digging this hole!!) it wasn't meant to be insulting or patronising.
Just don't start voting Republican.
My grandfather is, I believe, 68. As long as I've been old enough to understand "political affiliation," he's been a Republican. I don't know of this mythic time where he was "young and stupid and a Democrat."
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