I have not been employed outside the home since July of 2005, first in anticipation of having the baby, and then continuing as a stay-at-home mom (the infamous SAHM!) after she arrived.
I've thought a lot about what I'll do when she reaches an age where she's in school enough for me to go back to working either full or part time, and what I'll do. My resume is so full of different jobs and jobs for which I will no longer be qualified (because of changes in the field I wasn't there to adjust to) that I'll almost certainly have to go in a different direction.
After "running the house" for a little while, I've also wondered off and on how I'll react to being an employee again, assuming I go back to working for someone instead of doing something on my own, like re-starting my voice studio or singing at weddings and stuff like that.
I really questioned how I would react to literally being "bossed", and how any mom who stayed at home for a bit could do it. I'm used to being in charge at this point, at least of the baby and the things that are my domain, like paying the bills and that sort of stuff. The idea of someone looking over my shoulder and checking up on me irks me to no end.
However, since I started doing those transcripts I've written about, I've discovered a thing about working for someone else, even for the little micropayments I receive for that work, that I didn't realize I missed. As much as I hate to admit it, I really miss the pat on the head when I do something well.
The thing about staying home is that the person who is most effected by it sees you as completely transparent. You are literally just that lady that will always be there. Kids at this age hold out things for you to take and drop them, believing that you will OF COURSE get there in time to take it before it falls to the floor. You are the default, the expected, the unwavering and unerring.
That's great, of course, to be counted on and to be important, even if the person who needs you is completely unaware of the need. Sometimes, though, you know you did something well and you really want at least that glimmer of satisfaction in someone else's eye when they become aware of the job you did.
The transcriptions are really sort of becoming that for me. The last four I did, I got the best grade possible on them, and I really felt they deserved it. It doesn't equal a colossal amount of money, but it does equal the most amount of money that was possible to make from those little jobs.
That's nice, but somehow, seeing that top score when my grade comes through seemed a little cooler that the money that was deposited into my account. It's the satisfaction of being noticed. Maybe it's mostly people who were the youngest in their families who need this stuff, but I don't care. It's nice to have an outlet for that.
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When I worked (or didn't work, as the case may be) from home for four years, it was really hard to go back into an office, have to work on other people's hours, dress a certain way, etc. I'm still not used to it and am hoping I can land a lucrative freelance gig someday.
I could live without the pats on the head (because I can usually tell that they're just trying to make me feel good rather than actually congratulating me for my work), but it was the camaraderie and interactions with other people that I missed. Unfortunately, I haven't had the benefit of working with as diversely cool a group of people as I did at Decipher in my two office jobs since.
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