Shameless Mocking of Childhood Classics

So, yes, last night's entry was a bit vague. I was feeling very blah and vague, so that was an accurate representation of me at that moment. Thrilling, eh?

I have been meaning to write another entry for awhile though, and I never remember when I have typing access to the keyboard. (Much of my day is spent with a computer in the background upon which I can sometimes click to access content or (more likely) allow to go to the Da Vinci screensaver to entertain the B, but unless there is a husband or a nap involved, no typing.)

What is the deal with Goodnight Moon? Most of you parents out there know what book I'm talking about. It's a beloved childhood classic. We received copies of it in two different languages as baby presents. I have it memorized, because it's shockingly easy to memorize and it's easier to tell to a squirmy, sleepy child at the end of the day that way.

It's a cute little book with illustrations that I'm sure I'd get much more out of if I didn't simply tell the story from memory at bedtime most of the time. However, there are some things there that any second grade teacher would never let you get away with if you tried to turn it in as a project.

Early on in the book, "moon" is rhymed with...you guessed it..."moon". Now, I know it's hard to find things that rhyme with a complex sound like "-oon" (136 results at that link) but you really should try a little harder.

Shameless padding of book size is another problem. "And a picture of" and "the cow jumping over the moon" are spread over two pages. As I try to actually do a good reading, I'm never sure whether the break should be stressed in a dramatic way or if I should just blow through the sentence and read it as it would normally be read without the page break.

Then we get to the part that seems utterly phoned in. Once the little bunny or whatever he is starts saying good night to all the things in his room (yeah, let's encourage the kids trying to draw out bedtime by echoing this behavior as they grow up) there is an entire BLANK page that says "good night nobody".

Good night nobody? Are you serious? What sort of short cut is that? The first hundred times I read it (or so) I skipped that page because I felt too stupid saying it. How do you nuance that so that it makes sense? I've taken to throwing it in now, but only to preserve the pentameter.

Man, that sounds grumpy, but doesn't that stuff bother anyone else who reads that book to their kids? I keep telling her the story because it's supposed to be a classic, but I'll tell you what's a hundred times better: Gerald McBoing Boing. Now there's a rhyme scheme.