Sucking at Geography Since 1972

A Couple of Rock Band 2 Notes

2008-12-12T16:14:00.003-07:00

First, has anyone seen this Rock Band show that VH1 did leading up to the release of Rock Band 2? I hadn't seen it until I tripped over it on InDemand just now. Sebastian Bach and Alice Cooper judged a competition to whittle 15 RB2 players down to (I don't know? One band? Two bands?) Weird. The "episodes" are really short, and I wish they were full-length 22 minutes instead of the 7-8 minutes they are.

In other news, I played a little RB2 over the B's nap today with the sole and vain intent of gold starring as many songs playing Vocals on Expert as I could. I got a few! (Some of them are DLC and not RB2 songs, and these don't count the DLC that I'd already gold starred in RB1, as I didn't re-do those.) I am confident that many of these that I succeeded on would be the LAST ones you all would guess.

I now have gold stars on:

1) Come Out and Play (Keep 'Em Separated)
2) Drain You
3) Give It Away
4) One Way or Another
5) Hangin' On the Telephone
6) Today
7) You Oughta Know
8) Limelight (Original)
9) Tom Sawyer (Original)

Yeah, um...hmm. You gold star what you can, you know? Not necessarily your favorite stuff. You Oughta Know is actually ridiculously easy to gold star on vocals. I got a 97% and I didn't even think I was perfect on when to use overdrive and I still got the gold stars. Thanks Alanis!

Third Birthday Party

2008-11-30T20:58:00.003-07:00

The party was great. Everyone was lovely to come on out and help us celebrate and it made the day very special for B. She was so excited to have everyone over.

(If you are reading this post in a feed reader, you are missing the widget in it that has all the pictures.)

I Did It!

2008-11-29T23:35:00.002-07:00

I will post tomorrow about the B's lovely third birthday party. I haven't had time to go through the pics yet, though I will say that it was great and I really appreciate everyone who came comin' on out to have a slice of Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake.

On a much more selfishly personal note, I have written more than 50,000 words for a novel exclusively during the month of November. I undertook the NaNoWriMo challenge this year and committed to reaching the suggested goal of 50k words in one month, or a pace of just under 1700 words per day.

I am happy beyond belief to report to you all that I just went over that 50k mark a few moments ago, trying to squeeze it in before the NaNo servers get slammed tomorrow with people trying to verify their word counts to be dubbed an official "winner" of NaNo. The official count as of this moment is 50109, but my book is probably only about 60-70% complete at that point. I will finish it, but possibly not at the clip that I've been trying to keep up with in the past 29 days.

I think I will leave OpenOffice closed for at least a few days and bask in the gloriousness of not typing as fast as I can between 9:00 p.m. and midnight every night, trying to get my words out after I put the B in bed but before the official end of each day.

Neat Surprises Just Before You Go To Bed

2008-11-20T23:01:00.003-07:00

I would just like to say that the new theme feature in Google's Gmail (if you don't have a themes tab under your settings, you soon will get one as they roll out the new feature) ROCKS. That is all.

Okay, Let's Think of a New Way to Market Toys

2008-11-16T18:21:00.005-07:00

My daughter is tall. She's always going to be tall. I wouldn't be shocked if she was the tallest person in her class for the rest of her life. That's person, and not just tallest girl. I know this will cause her some moments of pain, but there's always something.

I don't want to be too egotistical here, either, but I have an inkling she's going to be one of the "smart kids", and will catch some flack for that over her academic career.

She's going to be different in enough ways that might cause her some trouble over the course of her life. Given that, I really wish we could start this evolution away from being so stuck in our ways as far as gender typing is concerned.

It's time for us to let go of all those primitive preconceptions, relax, and let our kids explore the whole world with fewer needless labels. Nothing they play with when they're three or five or seven is going to make them anything other than what they intrinsically are and will be no matter what.

I am so sick of this obsession with "boy toys" and "girl toys". Yes, I understand that there is a phase that most kids go through when they first begin to understand gender and they become either hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine while they try to wrap their brains around this new idea and what effect that has on their place in the world. I just don't understand why we take this one phase of child development and blow it out of proportion. Kids are obsessed with gender roles for a year or so. Their parents, many times, are obsessed with them from the moment they discover the gender of their baby until, oh, ever.

Here is just one manifestation of this phenomenon:

First, here's something subtle you might not have noticed. There is one more item in the "boy" list than the "girl" list. This tells me that things left off of the girl's list were left off on purpose and not due to space constraints.

Also, this graphic (taken from a major online retailer) appears on their 3-4 year old toy guide page. At ages 3 and 4, many, many kids are not this gender specific. Their parents might be, pushing cars on little Johnny even though he might be asking for a doll (a perfectly normal form of pretend play, especially if he has a younger sibling) and putting princess hats on their daughters who might be more interested in trains or blocks. The fact that they're pushing such baldly obvious gender typing on kids in an age group that predates the typical age range where awareness of gender roles comes into play just shows how much of the gender differences and gender gap is nurture and not nature.

Further, the very idea that the only toy that boys and girls can agree on is "music" and that universal things like "building sets and blocks" are the exclusive playground of boys is frankly, offensive.

There's an expression I hate that says, "Boys will be boys and girls will be either." In other words, boys play with boy toys and girls play with girl and boy toys. Maybe you think that this means that girls are able to look at their world from more different and varied points of view, but I think it's more true that the toys seen as exclusively for girls exist in a sort of "not good enough for a boy" gulag, looked down on by the boys who play with the sort of toys that introduce them to a more realistic version of the world (compare playing with cars and trains during imaginative play and playing princesses, and then consider which one is more likely to prepare them for the world we live in.)

When you further consider that the foundations for interest in math and science are laid in play with blocks and interest in things like dinosaurs (which spark trips to natural history museums and the like) and trains (which can be turned into an interest in mechanical engineering as they grow older and want to know how things work), labeling those things "for boys" is a disservice in every way to our young girls.

I was once kept out of an algebra class in the eighth grade by a male math department head, despite the fact that I had the highest score in my grade on the test used to place us in the "right" math class. His excuse was that he "thought I'd want to be with my little friends." The principal backed him.

My friends were guys. I didn't know a single person in the eighth grade pre-algebra class I took, which bored me so much that it's the closest I've ever come to getting trouble for spacing out in class and not paying attention. My friends were boys, by the way, because they didn't seem as affronted by my interest in math and science as the girls were.

Maybe it was because the girls were brainwashed by gender stereotyping, and my insistence on ignoring the boundaries made them uneasy. Maybe we would never have gotten along anyway, and it was immaterial.

But you know what? As long as we keep brainwashing our kids to stay safely in their assigned gender roles, we're never gonna know.

Why I'll Be Buying Some Presents from Amazon.Com This Year

2008-11-14T16:02:00.002-07:00

The end of last year, frankly, was a mess. We were getting the house ready to sell, we were getting ready to do some holiday traveling, and some horrible things had recently happened in our family. We weren't putting up a Christmas tree for several reasons, some due to the stock advice not to put up anything personal in a house you're trying to sell, but also partially because we weren't in a frame of mind to celebrate.

Everything I did around then just seemed more difficult. The last of the weights that were pushing down on us just fell at the end of last month, in fact, when the house finally sold. Things just weren't going well, and I just kind of knew that things would be a struggle for us for awhile. The last thing I needed was a new problem, the sort of random thing that can happen to anyone.

I bought a digital photo frame for my parents for Christmas, loaded it with pictures of our daughter, me, and the mister, wrapped it up, and sent it. I reused a shipping box that had held something I purchased from Amazon.com, a lovely boxed hardcover set of Calvin and Hobbes that was the mister's present last Christmas, bought at such a steep discount on their Friday sale that I doubt they made that much profit on the sale. I carefully covered over the shipping info from Amazon to send the box to my parents, taping a piece of heavy construction paper with their address on it over the top of the box.

What happened to cause the random problem that I needed like a hole in my head was this: somewhere between Missouri and Virginia, the piece of paper ripped somehow and the address information was separated from the box. It still apparently had the sticker that was printed by the shipping machine I used at the post office that directed it to the right zip code, but the street address was gone.

When too much time went by before the package reached my mom and dad, I dug out the receipt with the tracking number on it and set about trying to find the package. It had a weird status when I checked it online, and I ended up making phone calls that ended with the postmaster of the post office where the package had apparently been at one time, but no one seemed to be able to put their hands on it.

I was so upset over this package being missing. Part of it was the money, because it was a kind of expensive present. Part of it was the work I'd put into choosing the pictures and putting them on the memory card, pre-programming it so it would be easy for my parents to use. But part of it was that it was one more damn thing that wasn't going well.

I made, at the postmaster's suggestion, about three more calls to him while that post office tried to figure out what had happened to this package. I was losing faith that anyone I knew would ever see it again. I even began to wonder if someone had opened the package, unwrapped the present, saw it was a larger-ticket item, and decided to keep it.

Then one day, my doorbell rang. I went to the door and found a package UPS had left on my doorstep that had shipping labels from Amazon, along with a neon yellow sticker on the outside saying something about an item that was being returned to me because Amazon didn't know why it had been sent to them.

I opened that box and found MY box inside. That box had clearly been through a LOT, dinged and ripped and dented, but inside THAT box was the digital photo frame. It wasn't wrapped (I imagine Amazon had to take off the gift wrap to figure out what it was) but all of the pieces were safely inside the box.

There was a note inside the box saying that they had sent me back my item because they couldn't locate an RMA involving that item. I thought it through for a few minutes and then figured out what must have happened.

The USPS must have seen the old shipping label on the box, the original one from Amazon when they sent me the books I'd ordered. Having no other solid info to go on (I'd ripped off the part with our address), they sent the box to Amazon in the hopes that the puzzle would untangle somehow.

Amazon then got a box with an item that I don't even think they sell, but they looked up the shipping information from my original order, probably the UPS tracking number that I'd sharpied over but was probably still readable from the barcode. When they got the shipping info, they sent the box to me at their cost, along with their note about not having a matching RMA request.

I felt horrible that Amazon had incurred a cost in helping to get this box back to me. I went on a mission to find someone in their customer service to explain the whole debacle to, finding someone in the right department after a few stops and starts. I explained what had happened, how they'd come to be in possession of a product I hadn't even purchased from them, and that I wanted to reimburse them for the shipping costs.

The lady sent me an email back in our little chain of replies back and forth that basically said, "Don't worry about it. Just think of us in the future when you're shopping online. Happy Holidays."

I'm not a member of Amazon Prime, and while I've bought my share of things from them in the past, I doubt I'm even in the top 70% of sales for private individuals. There was nothing in my account that could have persuaded this woman or Amazon in specific to give me special treatment. This was just how the company treated me when I approached them to tell them how they'd helped me. They did me one last favor and told me to forget the shipping cost, which was extremely generous, considering that they were the last step in a chain that helped me find this gift that went astray and get it back to my parents.

That, both the effort they took to ship the box back to me and the kindness of their customer service agents, means that I am now going out of my way to find the presents I'd like to buy on their site. That's how you turn a customer into a devoted repeat customer. I'm happy to thank them with my purchases and my loyalty. Thanks again, Amazon, for making a really difficult holiday season that we had last year just a little less stressful.

Possible Breakthrough?

2008-11-09T21:39:00.004-07:00

Even with all the news from the election swirling through the media, I can hardly believe that the only place I saw this story was Slashdot.

The work of a doctor named Gero Hutter may have saved the lives of millions of people. If these findings can be replicated on a larger scale, there's another man who has shown this week that he might be able to change the world.

Campaign Ads

2008-11-08T15:33:00.003-07:00

Ah, now that the election is over, I just realized that I can go back to being annoyed at those inane Mac vs. PC ads.

UGH.

Two Speeches from 11/04/08

2008-11-07T13:36:00.003-07:00

This Service Brought to You By Google and Me!

2008-11-04T09:40:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow it will be OVER

2008-11-03T11:02:00.003-07:00

Whatever we have in store for us for four years, the best thing I can say at the moment is that tomorrow, it will at long last be done with.

That all being said...

Anyone saying that Barack Obama hasn't released his "real" birth certificate? I get to kick you right in the face, because not only is it the stupidest lie I've ever heard in my entire life, it is the dumbest possible knock on a candidate I can think of. Argue platform or qualifications, but when you have to degenerate to trying to allege that he isn't a natural-born citizen when he has provided the same documents that all of the other candidates have, you really can just kiss my ass.

Though I am about as far from a Sarah Palin fan as you can possibly get, the same goes for people who are out there yelling that they think her most recent baby was actually her daughter's. It just doesn't matter. It's a smokescreen. An obfuscation, just like so much of the utter sewage that has been flashing across our televisions and thrown out from the speakers at political rallies.

Elections should be about the platforms and capabilities. If you want to try to paint someone as a remorseless liar to try to knock their character, do it with something IMPORTANT. Something that matters. Something that can be proven, not just a nasty allegation that you can throw up like last night's rum and coke and hope that enough other people believe you that you can use it to engineer the outcome you want. It's just ugly smearing, and honestly, it does little else other than make you, personally, look like a complete moron.

I really just can't figure out why people aren't pointing those laser-sharp capabilities to decide if someone is lying or not at their campaign promises or at the allegations they throw at the other candidate. I guess that would be thinking, and darn it, thinking is hard work. Why not just pick something easy and start screaming, without any evidence at all, that it means that person is a dirty liar that we can't trust?

Don't you people who indulge in this ugly business see that this turns the electorate at large into the equivalent of the average Jerry Springer audience? Talking points get lobbed out into the fray and no one seems to spend any time thinking about them, if they make sense, and if they are accurate portrayals of whatever the candidate is talking about. People are too busy repeating the easiest lies they've heard, the ones that let them stop thinking about rather tough issues and go back to watching reality television.

Every four years, I get physically ill at what has happened to democracy in America. Why is it this way, when there is a better way? When did we let go of the curiosity and thirst for figuring it all out that we had when we were toddlers? If your random voter had to prove that they've given as much thought to their decision to vote as my daughter does to telling me which lower case letter we're showing her on her flash cards before they could cast that vote, I think a lot of people would have to go home from the polls and do a little reading and thought before they were allowed back.

Someone wake me up on Wednesday morning, please, and tell me that this every-four-years bad dream is finally done.

Yet Another "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn!" Moment

2008-11-01T13:22:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to say I've never talked into my phone while driving, but I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to say I've never used it while out and about, say inside a store to call someone to ask a question about what to buy or something. I understand that some people are bothered by other people doing this, though that is a head-scratcher to me. That, at least, isn't endangering anyone, and it's the same conversation you'd presumably be having if the person was with you. I do know that some people think that's rude, though, but I think they're missing the mark. If you're going to be exasperated with mobile phones, pick the right target. Pick the target that has a body count.

Text messaging is getting out of fucking control. Studies have shown that merely talking into a phone while your eyes are STRAIGHT AHEAD at the road still impairs your driving, specifically your reaction time and concentration. The fact that there are morons out there driving while staring AT THEIR PHONE typing in a text message (don't try to tell me you can do it without looking, because that's complete bullshit) is absolutely insane. You would think that's about as insane as it can get.

You'd be wrong.

Because now, train engineers who are on the job are doing it. Well, at least one, anyway. People are dead because some moron was typing in "i duno wut im doin 2nite, u?" or some other similarly literate missive when he should have been watching the tracks to see the red "stop" signal light that would not have put his train in the path of the train that had been given the right of way.

Put the phones down when you need your full attention directed at another task. I am so sick of seeing people glued to those stupid things when they should have their mind on what they're doing. There is nothing, nothing that can't wait until you aren't driving (especially driving a freaking TRAIN) to take care of.

The fact that anyone needs to say this is completely maddening. You aren't immortal, people, and nor are the people whose cars you're going to crash into.

Homeowners No More

2008-10-30T16:12:00.004-06:00

For those of you privy to the more mundane aspects of the day-to-day stresses and strains of my family, I would like to announce that the house that was on the market since last November 27th is now officially no longer ours.

It perhaps didn't happen in quite the way we'd like. The outcome wasn't perfect. It is, though, the outcome we have, and I am grateful that it is finally at an end. For all its faults, this end is a relief, and one we needed before we could ever, ever move on unfettered.

Now the barking dog next door is someone else's problem.

Playing to the Crowd

2008-10-27T19:47:00.004-06:00

You have to appreciate a group of people who see a need and then fill it. I was watching our local ABC television station, and as the last "ad" in a group of commercials, they put up video of a hummingbird feeding on a lovely purple flower and the text "Election Ad Break" at the bottom of the screen. Soothing music played in the background. It was wonderful.

Well played, local ABC affiliate. Well played. Thank you for giving us a break from the constant ads that all of us, whether we've voted yet or not, are sick of listening to.

Can't Take It Anymore

2008-10-22T17:14:00.001-06:00

Let's just have the election already and get this OVER with. It gets uglier everyday.

Denver Question

2008-10-17T10:53:00.002-06:00

Does anyone know of an independent computer parts/electronics store in the Denver area?

You know. Not a Circuit City, Best Buy, or Radio Shack. There are some smaller computer repair places, but the ones I've called don't seem to carry very many parts in stock. I'll order what I need if I have to, but I'd much rather go the instant gratification route if possible.

This is HILARIOUS

2008-10-15T08:47:00.005-06:00

From this Wired article:

After seeings its videos repeatedly removed from YouTube, John McCain's campaign on Monday told the Google-owned video site that its copyright infringement policies are stringent to the point of stifling free speech, and that its lawyers need to revamp the way they evaluate copyright infringement claims.

So, the presidential candidate from the party that just introduced a US Copyright Czar post similar to the oh-so-effective Drug Czar post, a new post that will certainly be used to stifle Fair Use and fine people ridiculous amounts of money for doing the equivalent of making a mix tape is now crying that his videos where he appropriates music from artists that don't support his candidacy are being removed even though the use of the music is Fair Use.

Well, cry me a river. If you won, I'm 100% sure you'll sign every piece of legislation lobbied for by the RIAA and the big entertainment companies, regardless of any Fair Use considerations.

From his own "tech policy" (which mentions little to none of the concerns of the tech workers of America, I might add):

John McCain Will Pursue Protection Of Intellectual Property Around The Globe. Intellectual property protection is increasingly an issue for U.S. innovators operating in the global economy. John McCain will seek international agreements and enforcement efforts that ensure fair rewards to intellectual property.

Kids, this is code language for "Hey RIAA guys, I've got your back, so don't worry." It's not "Hey moms, don't worry about posting to YouTube that 17 second clip of your five year old dancing to Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" because I'll make sure that they understand Fair Use." John McCain didn't give a rat's about Fair Use until the music he used without permission caused his campaign videos to get caught in the copyright takedowns that his political party is a vocal supporter of. In fact, he still doesn't care one whit about the Fair Use rights of you and me. He thinks that he should get special treatment, and the rest of us should still be nickle and dimed:

[W]e believe that it would consume few resources--and provide enormous benefit--for YouTube to commit to a full legal review of all takedown notices on videos posted from accounts controlled by (at least) political candidates and campaigns.

So we're not ALL entitled to legal Fair Use. Just politicians. Let me know when we officially convert to a caste system so that I can read about which of my rights I get and which ones are only available to castes above mine.

This would all make me laugh if it didn't make me want to cry a single perfect tear of frustration.

No, Really..."No Thanks!"

2008-10-13T10:20:00.002-06:00

I got an email from my cellular provider last week. Apparently they've been wringing their hands together, worried that my current mobile phone isn't everything my heart wants and desires. Now, I am on a very simple plan. A modicum of free minutes, nationwide long distance, and that's about it. No built-in text messaging plans, no web access plan, nothing like that. Nor do I really send text messages or use the web access built into my phone, and not just because it's not covered in my plan. I just don't use or need it. So there's nothing about my usage patterns that would make them think that I require a new phone or new packages to add to my service.

However, there is now a year left on my contract (I should have long since been out of contract, but there was some shuffling that went on last year before we moved and I knowingly consented to a two year extension to make them easier and less expensive) and I guess they're staying up nights fretting that I might leave once the contract is up. You know. IN A YEAR.

(Note to cellular providers: if you all didn't suck at least a little bit on service, pricing, and general customer service, you wouldn't have to use contracts to lock people in. They'd stay on their own. It's a terrible way to do business, it truly is.)

So I ignored the email last week. I don't want a new phone. This one calls people when I type in numbers and press send, and it lets me talk when other people type in my particular numbers and my phone rings, and that's all I'm really looking for out of, you know, A PHONE.

Apparently they were so concerned with my lack of immediate contact when they made their generous offer to charge me money to replace something that still works fine and lock me in for three more years instead of just one more short year of my life, and they sent me a text message to alert me to this wonderful deal that awaited me. In the text message, they lovingly described what I was entitled to indenture myself to, and then at the end, they included a brief, annoyingly txt-speechy description of how to reply to the unwanted text message to tell them that it was, shockingly, UNWANTED.

I worked out the instructions and replied back to get them to never text message me again, and I got a CONFIRMATION text message that I had to reply to AGAIN to confirm that I didn't want such vital messages as "please give us $79.99 so that you can throw a working piece of equipment in the trash in the name of keeping up with everyone else's pieces of beeping plastic."

I replied to that one, and my phone has now blessedly stayed silent. FOUR text messages to say, "No, thank you," and get them to actually go away.

It could be worse, though. They could have had a telemarketer call me and insinuate that I'm a dinosaur because I don't want a phone that will play MP3s at me and show me my email and generally annoy me because the main function of the phone has been nearly lost in the morass of other functions that are built into the damn thing, and the whole thing will cost me three or four times what I currently pay per month.

In fact, I think they would have done that, but I already opted out of marketing calls. That's what must have gotten them so concerned. They must think only a terribly depressed person wouldn't want to hear about their amazing offers. I really should be grateful that they care.

Really, I think I'll see if another company has better coverage out here among the horses and switch when my contract's up next year. So THEY can annoy me with emails and calls and text messages anew, I'm sure.

Let Me Help You Out

2008-10-12T15:35:00.004-06:00

I have two suggestions for a couple of websites. I see no better way to voice them than my sparsely-visited blog, because surely word will get back to them somehow, right?

1. Alton Brown. Your personal website and the Food Network website offer no way to contact you. You seem like a personable guy, so I can only assume this is because you feel you would get too many comments to respond to personally, so you've left off a contact link to keep people from being disappointed.

That's too bad, though, because I have a really good show idea. I define "really good" as "I need the hell out of this information, and I think he's the right guy to present it." I mean, yes, it's full of self-interest, but...well, it's really just full of self-interest.

I (somewhat) recently moved to a location that is considered "high-altitude". All my life I've vaguely noted the high-altitude directions on the recipes that include them, but it never occurred to me that one day, I would be the one needing them. Baking here is a mess. Pretty much anything with a mixture of wet and dry ingredients seems to be affected, and nothing seems to come out quite right, even when you have high-altitude instructions. Cookies are flat. Brownies too. I haven't even attempted a cake or bread or something a little more complex, but I can only assume that they would also be affected by the curse of the mountains.

Yes, there are other sources that lay out the concepts behind high-altitude cooking, and I've tried to get into several of them enough for the information to sink in. It's either my usual state of sleep deprivation or the fact that they're as boring as plain white rice, but I can't stick with any of them long enough to learn anything.

What I figure I require are puppets and skits and some sort of illustrative use of styrofoam balls and yarn. Surely, if Alton Brown can't teach me how to make good cookies at altitude, it is a lost cause.

But I can't ask him to do this show, because there is no known way on the internets to get a message to him. If I had a homing pigeon, I would use its services. If anyone reading this post can find a link I couldn't find, I will bow to your superior internet kung-fu if you take pity on me and leave it in the comments.

2. Very simply, to all brick and mortar store websites: you are not allowed to have a website unless I can go there and find out when your store is open. If you have a store locator and there are no store hours on each location's individual page, you fail and you have to start again. In this information age, I shouldn't have to pick up a phone and derail one of your employees just so they can tell me that they'll close tonight at 7:00. That is 20th century thinking, which would be great if that was the century we're living in, BUT IT'S NOT.

Let me know when your outsourced website vendor figures their shit out and puts ALL the basic info on your website, because that's when I'll bother to go there again. When I make a wasted trip to your site, all you do is teach me not to waste my time in the future. In this economy, I don't think you can afford to do that. Just some love from me to you.

Craftiness

2008-10-11T14:22:00.005-06:00

I finished two projects recently, making some new toys for the B out of some pretty basic supplies.

Project 1: Lower case letter puzzle

We have a Melissa and Doug upper case letter puzzle that helped me teach her the upper case alphabet pretty quickly, but I'm always worried that we'll lose a letter or two and you can't get replacement letters for those puzzles. As much as I love our Melissa and Doug puzzles, I decided to try to make a basic one that would be easy to make replacement parts for if something went missing in the depths of the house that only a two-going-on-three year old can find.

I used clear packing tape, a cardboard box, one sheet of green construction paper, a sharpie, a pen, a pair of scissors, some glue, and an exacto knife. I drew the letters with a sharpie on the smaller pieces of cardboard salvaged from the old moving box that had come apart, making them nice and round and easy to read. Then I cut around the letters, trying to make the silhouette of the piece look as much like the shape of the letter as possible without getting too ornate. (Because then making replacement pieces would seem difficult when it's time to make them, and the likelihood of getting it done would be lower.)

Then I took the two long sides of the cardboard box body and cut them to the same size. I put the green construction paper over the piece that would be the "bottom" of the puzzle and taped it in place. Then I laid the cut-out letters on the piece that would be the "top", trying to arrange them evenly from side to side and top to bottom. I drew around the pieces with the pen and then used the exacto knife to cut out squares that were just larger than the pieces. (I used all the scrap cardboard under the piece to keep the exacto knife from cutting, for example, the carpeting, or my leg.)

Then I glued the two pieces together, the piece with the holes on the top and the piece covered in green construction paper underneath. I taped the sides for good measure, and ended up using the packing tape over the top (cutting out the holes with the exacto knife) just to make it more durable.

I drew the letter in each hole so she could match up the shapes of the letter pieces with the puzzle, and she was ready to play!

Total cost: We actually already had all of the parts I used for this project around the house. It was probably about a dollar's worth of tape, a little bit of household glue, and then a cut-up moving box that had fallen apart under the weight of the items in it when I tried to move it from one place to another in the garage. So basically, this one was free because of what I had around the house.

Project 2: Felt play food

I saw a post on the CRAFT magazine blog where someone had made some play food out of sheets of felt, and I thought I'd give it a go, especially since I finally got the front bedroom, where we are storing a lot of boxes and things, straightened out enough to set up my sewing machine.

For this, I just got some different colors of felt sheets at the craft store and then cut out food shapes freehand. Then I went to the sewing machine and sewed them together with appropriate colors of thread, stuffing some with polyfill to make them puffy and leaving others just a flat two-ply of felt.

Left column: bread slices
Top right: bacon
Bottom right: pepperoni pizza slices

Top: carrot
Middle: lettuce
Bottom: tomato, slice of cheese

Left to right: orange, banana, apple, watermelon

Total cost: About 8 sheets of craft felt at 20 cents each: $1.60 + tax. One bottle of puffy fabric paint for the tomato: $1.49 + tax. I also want to go and get a bottle of orange to make lines on the carrot, a bottle of black to put seeds on the watermelon, and white to put a little shiny highlight on the apple and the orange. I already had the polyfill, but that's not too expensive if you needed to buy it, and I already had a set of different colored spools of thread that came with my sewing machine when I bought it. If you didn't have the colors of thread you need for the different foods, that part could add up a little because those spools of thread are always more than I think they'll be whenever I look at them in the store. But still, a lot less than buying play food from a store, and most of that stuff is plastic and not really as fun to play with than fun, soft, squishy food.

So there is a record of my recent craftiness. Both projects were fun and the B seems to enjoy the end products, so it seems like time well spent.

Blech

2008-10-08T15:32:00.002-06:00

Why are my glasses getting so schmutzy lately? I don't remember cleaning them this often before, and finding so much crap on them each time I clean them.

Is it the altitude? Am I messier than I used to be? Am I fussier than I used to be? Did something else change?

I just don't get it.

Yo Melora Melora

2008-09-26T12:45:00.007-06:00

Let's say, hypothetically, that you have a child who saw a commercial for the utterly-surreal kid show "Yo Gabba Gabba", so you put it on for her so she can watch it while you try to pick up the wreckage of toys in the house.

Then let's further say that you looked up at the television and saw someone you could swear is a dead ringer for Melora Hardin, known to many as "Jan" from The Office. And you think, "That can't possibly really be Melora Hardin dancing with these weird characters and singing songs and stuff."

But really, truly, the person looks and sounds exactly like her. So what would you do? Would you be thoroughly freaked out to google "Yo Gabba Gabba", find the official site, and then find this:

I mean, I know people guest-star on shows for kids. Goodness knows that most of the people who were celebrities when I was very young or before I was born are known to me mostly because a lot of them were on Sesame Street when I was a kid.

What's weird about this is that I don't think they called her "Melora" or anything, so any adults watching with the kids who recognize her from something else she's been in were really left stumped unless they went and looked it up like my obsessive nature forced me to do.

Looks like I can catch Amy Sedaris if she wants to keep watching it, but I'm not sure it really held her attention. Perhaps that's all for the best.

Palin Was Picked Because...

2008-09-26T10:53:00.003-06:00

...I honestly think John McCain wasn't and isn't bothered by the amount that it's clear that she's in over her head. I think *this* is because he doesn't believe there's a woman anywhere who could do any better. We're all not as good as men, so isn't any random female Republican politician as good as the next?

(And if you're about to argue her abilities or credentials with me, go to YouTube and watch that interview she just did with Katie Couric. Or any of her interviews, when they've allowed her to speak, for that matter. Her lack of readiness for the job she is up for is beyond any argument at this point.)

There were better women for the job, and I can't believe there are any women left out there who are willing to support her merely because she's a woman. The very choice that was made is insulting to all of us. The Republican ticket picking her is a slap in the face to any woman who would normally be proud to see a woman up for such a vital and important job.

What's Cindy's Last Name?!?

2008-09-18T16:02:00.002-06:00

I drowsily looked up at the television one Saturday morning a month or so ago and the credits for "The Early Show" were rolling. I saw this:

Poor Cindy. Surely someone knows her last name. She's a stage manager, for heaven's sake. It's not like she doesn't work with a bunch of people if she's managing the stage.

(And thank goodness I got around to snapping a pic of this so I could finally clean this off of our TiVo.)

To the Airline Industry

2008-09-15T12:44:00.003-06:00

Reading a story on the Consumerist today about United raising their charge for a second bag from $25 to $50 reminded me of something else.

After staring at Google maps for about fifteen minutes last night, the mister and I determined that we will be driving to Wisconsin from here the next time we go to visit, which will probably be sometime around the holidays. Yeah, between gas and a couple of hotels there and back, it will probably cost somewhere in the neighborhood of what flying would cost. Yes, that's true, but that's not what this is about.

We won't, however, be supporting an industry that insists on continuing to treat their customers like cattle, nickle and dime us and act like we should be thankful for the opportunity, and the overall airport security system that believes that acting like bullies and treating everyone like a criminal is an acceptable way to keep the peace.

When you drive, you're on your own terms. You stop and eat if you want to (paying what you choose to pay for a wide variety of foods which are either in the car with you in a cooler or the stuff that's available at restaurants along the way). You take as much or as little as you can fit in the car you've chosen to own, and no one has the right to stop you and paw through your things to take away dangerous things like water, sterile feeding tubes, knitting needles, or tweezers. No one can check your name against a list of people to determine if you have the right to travel on the conveyance you've already paid to use. (Don't get me started on how easily a terrorist can get fake ID and subvert the no-fly list.) Even if something goes wrong with your car, you still have control over how it gets resolved and what happens to you in the interim.

No one hates being stuck in a car for long trips more than me, and I'd still rather drive just about anywhere than take a plane flight, even if the stupid thing was given to me for free.

I'm sure this information comes as no surprise to anyone reading this, as you've all undoubtedly heard me complain about the decline of the airline industry and the violations of privacy and decency endemic in the TSA "system" before, but when I see things getting worse and not better, you can believe that I'll probably just keep bitching about it more.

Stupidest Website Registration EVER

2008-09-09T11:30:00.002-06:00

I couldn't get through to the automatic account information for one of my utility bills to verify the balance I should pay and so, like a good web user, I went to their website to see if I could get an account there and see the balance via that interface. When I went to the page to begin account registration, this is the help text next to the form I was asked to fill out.

Username: AT LEAST 10 characters please. No, forget the please. 10 character minimum. MINIMUM!

Password: At least 4 characters, and NO MORE THAN 10 characters. No specs on whether you have to include letters and numbers, or letters/numbers/mixed case like most sites that are concerned about account security.

You put the security on the PASSWORD, morons. Not the username.

How many people routinely use a username that's at least ten characters? Ridiculous. If this wasn't a one-shot usage (I don't anticipate having to use the site again, even to verify account balance) I would be seriously ticked off.

I Won't Now, Nor Will I Ever Vote for a Book-Burner

2008-09-03T13:28:00.004-06:00

quoth Time Magazine (via Boing Boing):

Time Magazine says that when Sarah Palin took office as mayor, she approached the town librarian and asked how to go about banning books from the town library:
[Former Wasilla mayor] Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. “She asked the library how she could go about banning books,” he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. “The librarian was aghast.” The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn’t be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving “full support” to the mayor.

Even if you take out every other philosophical difference between the Republican ticket's platform (and the individual platforms of their presidential and vice-presidential candidates) and my own thoughts about what's best for the country, this alone is enough to put me off them for good. I will never, never, ever vote for a book-burner.

So here's your chance. If you can show me any time (reputable sources please, FoxNews doesn't count) that Obama or Biden has led some sort of book-banning campaign (I'm not holding my breath) then I guess I won't have anyone to vote for in November, and I'll have to stay home and knit.

I despise censorship and the tiny little minds behind it in any arena. There are amendments to the U.S. Constitution other than the second, notably the first, the fourth, and the sixth. (Cheat Sheet) I really wish that it seemed like some of our politicians would fight just as hard to uphold the entire document as they do to argue for the amendments that speak to them the loudest, or, more likely, are more attractive to their constituency.

From Camel to Duck

2008-08-29T17:26:00.002-06:00

I made such a rookie parenting mistake—I asked my two and a half year old what she wanted to be for Halloween. I asked so early because I'd like to make most or all of her costume, and one needs a bit of lead time for that sort of thing.

It took a bit of time to explain the dress-up bit, but she understand pretending, and I told her there was a day when she could pretend to be something or someone and she could dress up and have a lot of fun.

"So what would you like to be? An animal?"

"Yes! Animal!"

"How about a kitty?" (I said, envisioning making her a black hat with two little kitty ears on it, and some sort of tail.)

"Kitty! Teddy bear!"

Ah, teddy bear. That's not so bad. Brown hat with round ears, brown sweater and pants. Maybe some felt spats to cover her shoes...

"Camel!"

Camel. Ah, well. I guess I could...or...um... Knit some humps? Rig up a hat with a nose on it that spits at people?

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather be a kitty? Or a duck? Or a teddy bear?"

"Duck!" (relief) "No! Camel!" (aw, darnit)

I'm still hoping to turn her to kitty or duck. Teddy bear would be all right too. And she can be a camel if she wants. I'll come up with something. But still, it won't be as comfortable, so she'd probably wriggle out of a camel costume and then not have as much fun dressing up.

In my first salvo in the skirmish to change her mind, I made a hat she could use if she agrees to dress up as a duck.

Come on. Wouldn't you be a duck if you had that hat?

Building with Duplos

2008-08-27T18:38:00.003-06:00

(Yes, I realize it's probably "Duplo" in plural and not "Duplos". I just think it's a little silly.)

One of the great things about having a child is watching them gradually learn how to do things, and to realize how many of the more creative impulses we have are innate. I never told her to build animals out of the various Duplo blocks she has. Some of them have eyes on them, and she took it from there.

The creations so far:

And there was another red animal of some kind that was demolished before I could get to it with the camera.

I'm pretty amazed at how creative they are, but that they are still recognizable as animals. Why do we become less brilliant and freely creative as we get older?

But You're Not There on Saturday and Sunday, Morons!

2008-08-26T12:01:00.003-06:00

You know what ticks me off? When people who send you bills give them due dates on a Saturday or Sunday. Listen, I know the bills are auto-generated, but it's not hard to code it so they check to see if the due date falls on a weekend. It's really not. If it's Saturday, make it due one day earlier. If it's Sunday, make it due one day later. Then hard code in all the bank holidays each year and change the dates for those, too.

You know I'll pay you on the earlier day to avoid late charges, even though you should round up to Monday for a Sunday due date. You might even do that, but I don't know and I certainly refuse to navigate your phone tree to ask you, only to have your CSR probably give me the wrong answer so I get hit with a late fee anyway.

Bills are soul-suckingly annoying to deal with anyway (and before some helpful soul tells me to have them auto-debited, HELL NO. There is no way I'm not going to go over the bills with a fine-toothed comb, and you have a much better position to argue with them over a bad charge when they don't have your money yet and they only get it when I okay the bill and send in payment) and then the companies go and give them impossible due dates. Don't make me come over there, billers. I'm going to count to ten!

I Guess I Have to Buy Singstar Now?

2008-08-22T10:08:00.004-06:00

Good news: Queen music in a video game. Bad news: It's for Singstar.

So, hey, the good news is that there's now a music game that features Queen. The bad news is a) it's apparently for PS2?!? (wtf) b) there's no track list for it yet c) it's singing only and not for one of the "whole band" games. Not as fun, Sony, NOT AS FUN.

I suppose there's a few upsides. It's not going to be in Guitar Hero, thus forcing me to buy it, because, you know...Queen. I lied. There's only one upside, and that's it.

Does anyone know what the chances are that a PS2 Singstar game will run in emulation mode on PS3? I mean, I read an article on the Playstation blog that makes it sound like I can play songs from a PS2 Singstar game if I own a copy of a PS3 Singstar game, but DO NOT WANT. I just want to buy the one game with my Queen happiness in it. (I also know that the 40gb PS3 doesn't have any emulation software on it at all, but I'm pretty sure we just have a puny 20gb PS3 that should have it.)

**shakes fist at the world...why didn't Rock Band get there first?**

Best Timing Ever

2008-08-14T18:22:00.005-06:00

The B and I walked up to the community poolhouse for her to play in the kiddie pool after she woke up from her nap this afternoon. The clouds looked a little gray, but it didn't really look or feel like rain other than that.

We got there (after I had to yell "No! Go home!" at a dog that got out of its fenced-in yard on the way there, but the 'Everyone in Colorado has to own a dog and then get a shitty fence' rant is for another day) and she played. It was a random amount of time; nothing that was planned ahead of time but something that seemed long enough for her to play but not too long.

We left (with no tantrum, yay!) and walked home. I even took my time when we got to the house pulling a couple of weeds out of the rockbed next to the driveway, and then I walked under the alcove at the front door of the house. I heard a funny noise behind me and turned just in time to see the skies open up and a veritable deluge of water come down. It's like it was waiting for us to get under cover and then it all was released.

Weird, but it made me feel oddly lucky, like I should go buy a lottery ticket or something.

Ant and/or Dec

2008-08-04T21:59:00.006-06:00

Ant and/or Dec

Turned on the first ten minutes or so of the newest television reality offering. I admit that I was drawn in because the people playing were "celebrities" (as in, I knew who one of them was) and they were playing to win money for charities, and not for themselves. I think it was called "Bet You" or something like that. I could look it up, but eh, my kid's still restless in bed and if I have to listen to her fighting sleep by singing and kicking the bars of her toddler bed, you should have to do your own damn research if the exact title means so much to you.

Anyway.

The hosts were familiar in that I've-seen-them-in-one-other-place sort of way. British, so that was a bit of a clue, and helped me rule some possibilities out. Suddenly, I wondered aloud, "Hey, I think that's Ant and/or Dec!"

My husband, though he may deny this, has seen the movie Love, Actually nearly as much as I have, which is to say, far too many times. My favorite character from that movie, personally, is Billy Mack. Those of you who have also seen the movie might recall an appearance Billy Mack makes on a talk show (chat show, to you Anglophiles and/or actual Brits) where he writes naughty things on a picture of the group Blue, his main competition for the Christmas Eve #1 single. He referred to the host he addressed directly as "Ant or Dec", meaning that he had no idea which one the guy he was talking to actually was, and furthermore, couldn't care any less about whether he ever found out. Interchangeable little talk show hosts.

So, back in the Real World, I hit the Info button on my remote to see if the, well, 'info' there would tell us who the hosts of this (fairly wretched) new show were. Damned if they weren't Ant and/or Dec, whom I recognized ONLY from their brief appearance in the movie Love, Actually.

The mister opined that we should actively avoid for the rest of our lives discovering which one is actually Ant and which one is Dec, and I think that's a valid tribute to good old Billy Mack. I'll start with not watching their little betting show again, regardless of the fact that I think it's nice that one of those shows is giving money to charities instead of out to regular people who will only go spend it at Wal*Mart on stuff that will break three months from now. The show was that silly.

But I love ya, Ant and/or Dec. But really only because you were in Love, Actually.

Can't Buy Me Kite

2008-07-30T11:58:00.002-06:00

So, let's assume that you have a yen to go kite flying. It's windy. You'd like to go that day. There's not a specialty shop near you, but you have a big-box toy store and a Target somewhat nearby.

Would you be kite flying later that day, or not?

That would depend on your timing and which employee you ask at the correct store, but very possibly, you would not be kite flying that day.

It's such a basic toy, isn't it? Target has whole aisles dedicated to Pla-Doh and things that buzz and tweet and toot, but I dare you to find a kite in Target. Perhaps at the beginning of whatever season is considered kite flying season (I honestly don't know...but aren't there windy days in every season?) then there MIGHT be a novelty kite in the seasonal row, but you'll get nothing but blank stares from the (usually helpful, 'round these parts) Target employees if you ask.

We made a special trip (~20 minutes each way) to a Toys'R'Us and looked around on our own before inquiring with an employee, and we lucked out and picked the guy in the store who has a crazy ability to remember the locations of even the most incidental of items. He remembered two sorta goofy pseudo-kites that they only had in stock because they were character-branded, and they were stuck on an endcap in the seasonal section among the pool stuff. You actually had to look quite closely to figure out was in the packages. We bought them and went kite flying with mixed results (wasn't quite windy enough) but if it hadn't been for that employee and some buyer who stocked the item because it went with the other seasonal stuff for that franchise's characters, we would still be kiteless.

They're sort of cheesy kites, really, so we still are kind of kiteless. It's weird to think of such a basic childhood toy as something you just can't find anywhere but a specialty shop. I'm trying to look for something close by that I can get something sturdier, but I may end up buying one from Amazon or something. Still...strange. Who thought kites were so scarce?

Pants -> Skirt

2008-07-29T18:44:00.001-06:00

So, you all know the B is tall. She outgrows her jeans in length before the waist is too small. What's a mom to do?

So of course, I cut em' off, got a bandanna from the $1 bin at Target, and made a skirt out of them. Just the tiniest pain in the butt, but I finished it in one 1/2 hour session of cutting and pinning and then about an hour of sewing today.

It's not perfect, the enormous pockets on the original pair of jeans didn't help at all, and she keeps saying, "No!" when I ask her to put it on to have her model it for a picture, so, though I think they came out fine, perhaps it isn't the rousing success that I was hoping for.

Two Meditations on Replacing a Cable Box

2008-07-24T08:25:00.004-06:00

There was all manner of cable company weirdness at the homestead yesterday. It was like a semi-self-correcting cascade failure: first the internet connection, then the phone, though television service was still fine. I busied myself resetting modems (cable and phone) and eventually it all worked itself out.

Then the oddness started. We lost our HD channels, so I switched to the 'regular' version of the channel to wait it out, see if it would correct itself again. About ten minutes later, though, the box itself started to make some alarming clicking noises. I mean, Poltergeist-style. (Combine this with my daughter's latest habit of randomly proclaiming, "It's coming!" and you can see why I was momentarily freaked out.)

I tried to power it off with the remote to no avail, so I got up and yanked out the power cable. In the vain hope that a power cycle would somehow help things, I plugged it back in, only to observe the problem even worse than it had been the first time.

A call to Comcast, with a remarkably laid-back customer service agent (which I thought was a thing of the past, as those CS agents seem to be judged on call length more than customer satisfaction) led us to the idea that the construction in my area had caused my intermittent outages, and also a surge of some kind when the cable was fully restored that one of my boxes survived, but the older, more beat-up looking of the two, did not.

I got the address of the "closest" service center (if you, like me, can observe that they're never close to where you live, that's actually a good thing, which I'll get to later) and planned my route for after the B got up from her nap. The good thing was that the office was open until 7:00, so it allowed me, home-bound during her nap, to still make it there after she got up. Thumbs up on the office hours.

It came time to head over there and we took off, GPS and Google Maps-assisted. The neighborhood got worse and worse as I got closer and closer. I had used street view to look around where the office was so that I would more easily recognize the office once I got there (unnecessary, as it turns out...there was a huge sign that even my sense of direction-impaired butt could see) and the building opposite the cable office, whose sign was too blurry to read in Google street view, turned out to be a "Gentleman's Club". Ahem.

I went in to retrieve my new box and was asked for my saga yet again, but it was, I think, just conversational. The content of my story didn't seem to be a contingency on getting my box, but a way to pass the time while he brought up my account and switched the old box out and the new box in. Interestingly, I was told I was getting the last one, and it was indeed the only one of its kind in the stack on the table behind him. I mentioned that the phone agent had told me she thought they had "plenty", since, as the agents can't see inventory for the different offices, they are supposed to send an email to the phone center when they are running low. This apparently reminded him of what he was supposed to do (though that hadn't been my intent, I just mentioned it in stream-of-consciousness mode) and he was working on it when I left with my prize.

So my first meditation, for those scoring from the title, is that cable service centers are always in the Bad Part of Town.

On the ride home, I decided to actually listen to the GPS and take the highway, instead of the side streets I tricked it into on the way there. There were many changes from one road to another, and in those merges, I realized the second of the things I learned on my trip yesterday.

By far, and I mean a very wide margin, the drivers of cars bearing a specific sort of Colorado plate seem to be the ones most likely to try to run you off the road, stay ahead of you on a merge at any cost, or refuse to let you switch lanes. That plate is this one, initially added to the roster after the Columbine school shootings, but now seems to be in use more by abortion opponents more than people concerned with schoolyard violence:

Not one, not two, but three cars with this type of license plate messed with me on my way there or my way back. I assure you, with my two year old in the car, I err on the side of caution, so I was not driving so aggressively as to anger everyone around me. One of them was clearly behind me as I tried to merge onto I-270, with plenty of space ahead of them for me to come in and still leave him sufficient following distance, but he sped up and paced me, forcing me to slow down to merge in behind him.

He was, of course, one of those Colorado drivers (and yes, I say Colorado, because this is more prevalent here than ANYWHERE else I've ever driven) who, once all the merging and whatnot is done, they drive along the highway at LEAST ten miles per hour under the speed limit.

I guess there were sort of two driving meditations there at the end, the first about the Respect Life plate and the second about the Colorado Sunday Driver phenomenon, but I'm far too lazy to change the title now.

Crap

2008-07-16T12:00:00.003-06:00

I took the B to a "pick your own" farm today, where I was nervous the entire time we were in the flower patch picking flowers (none of the good veg is in season yet, I guess, and the only fruit you could pick yourself were pie cherries, and the last thing I need is cherry pie) that she would get stung by a bee or a hornet. We made it out of there okay, got some beans (they had yellow, green, and purple) and checked out.

On the way out to the car, we walked across a little bridge thingie with hollow piping used as railing, and when we got to the far side, the B must have patted the piping or something and a swarm of hornets flew out. One of them was on her hand before I could react, and she started crying. I looked at her hand and there was a little bloody spot on it with the skin around it starting to swell.

Crap.

It appears she has no bee sting allergy, which is good. I cleaned it out well at the car (with the doors closed, thankyouverymuch) and drove home, where I put insect sting/itchy skin cream on it and then gave her the band-aid she kept asking me for in the car. (We put them on her mosquito bites after the 4th to keep her from scratching, so she knows what they're for.)

I know there's nothing I could have done to prevent it. Even someone with my level of persistent paranoia couldn't have imagined the pipes were housing a hornet's nest, and the sting happened so fast after I realized they were there that I couldn't have done anything about it anyway.

Still, seeing her little swollen hand and the band-aid makes me sad.

I Hope She's Not On To Something

2008-07-16T08:45:00.002-06:00

For about a week, the B (now two and a half, for those of you who don't know) has been randomly, out of the blue, saying, "It's coming."

Now, we've said this to her when we're waiting for food at a restaurant or something like that, so she is just mimicking what we've said, but it's been a little like starring in an independent horror film for the last week or so.

Add to that her alternate names for shadows, which are "monsters" and "aliens". Where she got this, I don't know. She doesn't seem to be afraid of the "monsters" or "aliens", so I've been letting it slide and just saying, "Yes, that's a shadow," and hoping she embraces the right word on her own.

But when you put those two things together, and you get a child who says, "It's coming," and "Look, aliens!" and "Monsters!" while she points at, you know, NOTHING but some shadows on the wall, and it's honestly hard not to feel a little creeped out.

Manditory Intelligence Testing Proposal for the TSA

2008-07-11T12:10:00.002-06:00

First, please read this.

Then tell me why the people who decide who is and isn't 'tall enough to ride this ride' and what they are allowed to bring onto the plane shouldn't be tested for a certain baseline of intelligence, and if a reliable test can be devised, for common sense as well.

I mean, come on. It was the SAME KNIFE the airline gives out with its meals!! And he was the frakking PILOT! If he wanted to harm the people on the flight, he could point the nose of the plane at the ground and wait. He doesn't need a knife with microscopically-fine serrations on it so he could paper cut someone to death.

My eyes just sprained from rolling too far.

Songs I Wish Were In Rock Band

2008-06-27T13:34:00.004-06:00

Now, please keep in mind that I don't listen to a lot of rock music. This list is going to be heavily weighted to the paltry number of groups that I enjoy, but here goes.

(No whining that the songs would be "too hard" to sing. Not everything should be able to be sung and five starred by everyone on Hard or Expert. Singing is hard, dammit, and a few of the songs in the game should be for the Big Kids who can do them.)

First, let's get the Queen out of the way. That there is a game called "Rock Band" that DOESN'T have a Queen song in it is pure madness. Here's my wish list for Queen songs for Rock Band. (Thank you, Wikipedia, for the handy list to jog my memory.)

Another One Bites the Dust (c'mon, EVERYONE would fight to play bass on this)
Bicycle Race (for the WIN)
Bohemian Rhapsody (stop laughing, everyone loves to sing along to this, and the keyboard solos on a song already in the game...you all know the one I mean, BOSTON...are at least as long)
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Don't Stop Me Now
Fat Bottomed Girls (a two pack with Bicycle Race!!)
Flash (if only for the comedy value, and yes, this one's a bit of a joke and I don't really want it)
Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy (how anyone ever listened to this and didn't suss out that Freddie was gay is BEYOND ME)
I Want to Break Free
One Vision (thrown in here for my husband)
Play the Game
Save Me
Stone Cold Crazy
The Miracle
These are the Days of our Lives
Tie Your Mother Down
Under Pressure
We Are the Champions/We Will Rock You (two-pack!)
Who Wants to Live Forever
You're My Best Friend

Okay, I forgot two songs originally, but I just added 'em. Anyone who gets this on a feed reader can see the edit. For everyone else, I'm not tellin'.

Styx songs:

Too Much Time on My Hands
Don't Let it End
Heavy Metal Poisoning
(Heck, I'd be pro-"Mr. Roboto", but I don't think many people are with me on that.)
Why Me

Other Blondie songs:

Heart of Glass
One Way or Another
Rapture (if I have to rap through Sabotage, you bastards have to rap with Blondie)
The Tide is High

Misc:

I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones (hey, we've got Blitzkrieg Bop already, right?)
One Week - Barenaked Ladies (heck, ANYTHING by BNL would be okay by me)

So, what else do we want?

Help Me, William H. Macy, You're My Only Hope

2008-06-27T13:27:00.002-06:00

I'm going to wager that the next bit of information that I type in is going to be something that no one who is likely to read this will already know.

William H. Macy provided the voice of the Narrator on the first season of the current PBS Kids show Curious George. It shouldn't be surprising that he was really, really good at it. It helps that the writing on that show, especially for the narrator, includes the occasional bit of irony, wry humor, and absurdity, but a great deal of the "hey, this is better than I thought it would be, and GREAT for preschool television" impression the first season episodes leave you with was due to William H. Macy's delivery of the lines.

For whatever reason, there was a new narrator at the beginning of the second season. Now, I don't have anything AGAINST the guy, but the whole show just doesn't have the same snap that it had before. The writing doesn't even seem as snappy (again, for a preschool-aged children's show) without him delivering it.

I don't know if he got busy with other projects, if they wouldn't pay him enough, or if it was something else, but I honestly wish he would come back. The hijinx of a monkey and his man with a yellow hat just aren't the same without him.

R.I.P. George

2008-06-23T09:05:00.002-06:00

I've just stumbled onto the news that George Carlin died yesterday at age 71. We'll miss you, you hilariously foul-mouthed, deliciously controversial guy.

There's some hour-long Carlin vids on Google Video. Here is a link to one of them if you want to reminisce.

Rock Band Online Play, Plus One Funny Link

2008-06-18T09:36:00.002-06:00

First, the link. Halloween is only months away, so if you have a 5-6 year old, consider these costumes when your child is trying to talk you into letting them be a firefighter or a princess AGAIN.

("Trick or treat" sounds a LITTLE like "exterminate", doesn't it?)

Also, I've been playing some Rock Band online multiplayer. When you can 95%+ songs as a singer on Expert, I've found that's pretty much like being a healer in an MMO. There's no chat (come on, PS3, even Mario Kart Wii lets me choose phrases from a rotating menu so that we can have some sort of rudimentary communication system) so it's hard to tell, but I do get a fair amount of friend adds after playing as a singer.

There are some fairly well-established proto-communication techniques at work in PS3 Rock Band, though. One of them was told to me by the good Dr. Heimlich, which is the idea that you waggle up and down on the difficulty setting menu when you don't want to do the song the leader has chosen. It's also interesting to watch (or be involved in) the delicate negotiations that occur between the two people using the guitar to see who plays guitar and who plays bass. That's usually a pause-move to the one you want-wait to see if the other guy moves there too sort of affair. I actually prefer most of the bass lines so most of the time I would imagine the other person relieved at 'getting' to play guitar when I indicated that I wanted bass, although I did get overruled a couple of times. Frankly, if you can play on Expert on the guitar, I'm fine with you taking whichever one you want and I'll play the other one on Medium.

But still, frustrating to play and have no way to communicate other than by waggling on menus, just out-and-out leaving the group, or adding someone as a friend if you enjoyed playing with them. Seriously, how hard is it to add a menu of prefab phrases? Please? Otherwise, it's pretty fun, especially when you get to watch someone kill songs on Expert, which I normally only get to see when I play with the aforementioned Dr. Heimlich.

And yeah, though there are a lot of power players there playing on Hard or Expert, there are a lot of people who play on Medium, too, which makes it less embarrassing when I want to play guitar or bass and have to play on Medium if it's anything higher than the first two difficulty categories.

It's a good time, really. As soon as we get our drum pad replacement (It broke on day 60 of its 60 day warranty, which EA is now enforcing! Yikes, that was close!) I might give them a go, though I still find the placement of the first two drums disorienting. But that's the subject for another whiny post.

If You Haven't Seen This Man, Watch Him Now

2008-05-17T11:08:00.004-06:00

This is Bryan Gaynor. He auditioned for the third season of So You Think You Can Dance, and he also happens to have a very pronounced case of scoliosis. Not that it seems to matter once the music starts. I dare you to watch him and not be affected.

Wii Fit Loses One Customer (Me): Cue Rending of Garments at Nintendo HQ (Not Really)

2008-05-07T10:40:00.002-06:00

I learned this morning that the sophisticated calculations of fitness and overall health done by the Wii Fit and its balance board include, nay, depend heavily on BMI, or the "Body Mass Index".

See, now that's where they lost me. WiiFit has apparently already started telling little children that they're "fat" based nearly solely on BMI.

Let me just tell you right now that BMI is a deeply-flawed measurement. Muscle weighs far more than fat, and most, if not all, professional athletes would probably come up as "overweight" when measured by the BMI stick. That probably includes even sports like cycling, where no one in their right minds could look at those riders and say they were overweight by any stretch of the imagination.

See, when I was riding and racing before I had the baby, I was wearing a size 4 or 6. I would challenge anyone outside of Project Runway and America's Next Top Model land to call anyone who can legitimately fit into a 4 or 6 of just about any clothing brand "overweight", but my BMI at the time nudged me just out of "healthy" and into "slightly overweight".

It's just a flawed measurement, and it's bullshit to use it anymore. Especially when there's software out there spinning in a Wii with little girls standing on a glorified scale in front of it, already bombarded by retouched and 'shopped images of impossible women in the media, and they're being called "fat" when they could just as easily merely be committing the sin of being athletic. Lord forbid. I'm just as concerned about childhood obesity as everyone else, but name-calling kids who are playing a video game is probably not the most productive way to combat it.

And I really was going to buy that game, too. I think I'll buy a USB converter for my DDR pad instead and start playing that again. At least when DDR makes fun of me, it's because I legitimately missed steps, not because I failed against an inherently flawed measurement system. Tsugaru heavy, here I come.

You May Have Played Too Much Rock Band Around Your Toddler When...

2008-04-10T23:16:00.002-06:00

...she looks at you, says, "Sing...Maps?"

And then sings, "MaaaAAAaaaa--aaaAAAaaa--aaaAAAaaaps!"

I Made CK Do It, So Shouldn't I? or, Eating My Own Dogfood

2008-03-30T12:50:00.003-06:00

So when a friend asked for a post topic, I piped up with "If you were a character on 'Lost', which character do you think you would be?" It popped to mind because I'd just spent my daughter's nap that day reading theories on how 'Lost' "works", how it will end, and what it all means, so I had the show on my brain.

It's sort of an obnoxious question, really. "Please pigeonhole yourself based on characters on a television show who are in an extremely extraordinary situation." But I asked it, so I'll answer it too.

I cribbed this list of "players" from a March Madness-style bracket game the Washington Post presented. There's 64 of them in the bracket, but I eliminated the ones who are total stretches, like one of the flight attendants from the plane who never made it to the island, people obviously added just to pad out the bracket.

Jack, Jin, Sun, Sayid, Michael, Locke, Walt, Aaron, Kate, Claire, Rose, Bernard, Hurley, Sawyer, Charlie, Ana Lucia, Daniel Faraday, Mr. Eko, Arzt (the guy who went boom with the dynamite), Shannon, Boone, Libby, Ben, Juliet, Mr. Friendly, Jacob (ha), Penny, Desmond, Rousseau

Okay, here are a list of characters I don't particularly think I'm like: Jack, Jin, Sun, Sayid, Michael, Locke, Walt, Aaron, Bernard, Hurley, Sawyer, Charlie, Ana Lucia, Mr. Eko, Shannon, Boone, Libby, Ben, Juliet, Mr. Friendly, Jacob, Desmond.

That leaves: Kate, Claire, Rose, Faraday, Arzt, Penny, Rousseau.

Yeah, mostly women, but I don't really identify with the male characters on this show.

Kate is in the list because if someone hurt my mom, I can see myself being driven to an extreme reaction. I don't think I'm particularly Kate-like otherwise. I'm certainly not as blindly brave as she is, for one.

Claire parallels are slightly less slim, as she sort of twisted around in her life until she had a child and found a direction for herself. I wasn't quite as shiftless and purposeless as Claire was, though, so I think I'll have to eschew Claire as well.

Rose is in the list just because she's the married lady. She's pretty set, she understands where she is and what she has. She wants to help out but has reservations and worries when Bernard is in harm's way. Some of that reminds me of me, but not much else, in the final analysis.

Faraday is weird and spacey. He has strange ideas and pursues them, usually not connecting with most of the people around him unless they intersect with the ideas he's pursuing in his own mind. I've been like that at times, but I don't think I'm quite the misanthrope that he is.

Rousseau is in the list solely because I know I'd be completely crazy if someone took the B from me, especially if I knew where she was but just couldn't get her back. Other than that, though, I don't think I'm that similar to Rousseau. I would never have taken the chances that she's taken, and I don't know if I have her savagery in me.

Arzt is included because he was sort of on the outer orbit of things. He wasn't right in the center of stuff, but interjected himself when he felt he had something relevant to do. I'm frequently more of an outside observer who sometimes sticks her nose in to say something relevant and then skitters off to be more on the outside again. And of course, he had horrible luck, which is the way I've felt many times as well. There's another character on the show who can sort of be described this way, though, but with some important differences that I think I'm more similar to.

And that's Penny. I'm the one who's usually close to things without being directly involved. I think I have her capacity to get angry and act on it, to become tired of someone's shenanigans and hold a grudge, but I think I also have something like the determination it's taken her to keep looking for Desmond.

But I dunno. Maybe I'm totally off. Maybe the characters on 'Lost' are too strange to resemble anyone in the real world.

Idle Wondering

2008-03-28T16:47:00.003-06:00

If there was an alternate system of airports and airlines that did the sort of screening that was being done, say, in the 1990's and not the type that is being done now, and assuming that the safety rating of the airlines themselves (working equipment, competent pilots) was adequate, would you fly that one instead of flying within the system that the U.S. has now?

Seriously, think it through. Would you fear that someone would sneak through with something really dangerous like her nipple rings on, or with their sterile feeding tube still in its wrapper, or would you believe that your trip would be within a reasonable, acceptable "safety" range?

Mind Blown...Would Have Made Me INSANE Before the Prequels

2008-03-20T15:13:00.002-06:00

So, go to this thread on rebelscum.com, whose emissaries are going to present the results of this poll (about which new figures to make) to Hasbro. CK, note the Tonnika Sisters winning the ANH poll. Ha. Now scroll down to the second post, tallying up votes for ESB, and note that there are a measurable amount of votes for a Lt. Sheckil figure.

Those of you who know where that name came from, a story probably best not retold in its entirety, can probably figure out why I think this is pretty funny. The rest of you, I swear, unless you already knew how the name came about, retelling the story of it would make the whole thing unfunny. It's one of those things.

Stickers

2008-03-17T09:44:00.003-06:00

Let me tell you an odd little fact—my daughter seems to be afraid of stickers.

Sometimes when you go into a store that caters to kids, like a children's shoe or clothing store, they have stickers stashed behind the counter to give out. However, I noticed her aversion to them first when I went to vote in the last primary. I put the "I voted" sticker on my jacket, and then the nice lady behind the check-in table offered one to the B. She took it, but resisted any attempt to put it on her jacket like mine. It was funny at first when it stuck to her finger, but then, once we were in the car, she wanted it off of her.

Ever since then, when she waves and says "hi" to the employees in the store and ends up getting a sticker offered to her, she might giggle a little, but we have to take the sticker from them because she won't touch it. It takes too long to explain that she doesn't seem to understand what the stickers are all about, so we take them and move on. Any attempts on our part to get her interested in the sticker are met with a well-practiced, two year-old's "no!"

Considering the fact that modern bathroom learning techniques seem to be focused on using stickers and sticker books as rewards, I realize now that we're going to have to think outside the box where that is concerned. I don't see this sticker aversion going away anytime soon.

Mall Madness

2008-03-16T09:17:00.003-06:00

This game, Mall Madness, came up on my RSS feed for Amazon deals.

Funny thing about this game, from when it was published when I was a kid. Now, we didn't have allowances, nor did we save up for the things we wanted. We pretty much asked for things, and if there was any reason at all for us to have them, we'd get them...sometimes right away, sometimes at the next 'gift holiday' like a birthday or Christmas. If there was no reason for us to have them, or if my mom and/or dad thought the particular item was without virtue for us, we obviously didn't get it.

There were just a few times in my childhood that I look back on and think, "Oh, that's where I found out what sort of stuff annoyed my parents." Wanting the game Mall Madness was one of those times. I can't remember which one of us asked for it, but I distinctly remember the tirade launched into about the subject matter of this game. The gamer in me wonders what the engine behind the subject matter is, and whether it's a good game or not, but I think, regardless of whether the B ever wants the game or not, I'll never be able to buy it. I think I'd always hear my mom in my head telling me she didn't think I should play it.

For the curious, I was also not allowed to see the movie Xanadu as a kid...not because the subject matter of the movie was deemed too 'adult' for me, but because my mom had seen a commercial for it and thought it just looked dumb.

I think this is why subject matter in things tends not to bother me, but if something is just straight-out dumb, I tend to shun it.

Adding to the Discourse on 'Cool'

2008-02-27T10:34:00.004-07:00

I have a wonderful friend who recently insinuated that the Wii is not cool because it is a...wait, let me quote this directly:

...a little, plastic-looking white thing...

I think that probably makes all this crap uncool too:

And that's just what I could grab from the VERY FIRST PAGE of some guy's Flickr set of all of the Apple front pages in recent memory. In fact, the only thing that distressed me at first about the Wii is that it looked like Apple made it.

Now I'm completely confused about what is cool... ::scratches head::

Bedtime Struggles Begin

2008-02-19T21:56:00.003-07:00

So, the B, induced most likely by the stress of our recent move, can now climb out of her crib and does not want to be put there to nap or sleep overnight. Our kid who we used to lie down in the crib and she'd put herself gratefully out...that kid is gone. This one just wants me, but oddly, I don't want to go to bed at 8 for the rest of my life.

PMOG

2008-02-10T14:20:00.001-07:00

If anyone who reads this is playing PMOG, shoot me a message there. I'm kathyl on PMOG.

Who Programs These Phone Trees?

2008-02-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

So I'm calling the company I'm considering getting phone service from at our new address, and the first thing the phone tree prompts me with is, "Enter the telephone number of the address where you have service or the phone number where you would like to get service."

Bwah?

I mean, granted, the phone service is not the only service this company provides, but when one actually is a purveyor of phone services, has it not occurred to them that there will be people calling from outside the area, wanting to hook up brand-new service, and they will not have an answer to that phone prompt?

I waited through the computer lady asking me to please input the telephone number requested three times ("I'm sorry, I didn't understand you, can you please enter that again?") and I tried the 'press 0 for an operator' trick to no avail. Eventually, the phone tree kicked over to its secondary option to route my call, asking for a zip code where I had existing service or wanted new service.

Still...annoying. Head-scratching. You give people phone service! Is it such a stretch to think that a good number of the people calling have no way to start drilling into your phone tree without having to wait through the timeout on the first option? That's really, really annoying.

Are you completely kidding me?

2008-01-24T13:43:00.000-07:00

First CBS does "Kid Nation", where parents signed away all sorts of rights to protect their kids so they could get their 15 minutes of fame. Oh, and learn about "real life", which you can totally do with a television camera pointed at you.

Now NBC ups the ante with "The Baby Borrowers", where parents of babies--BABIES, I saw the commercial, these kids are LITTLE--hand their progeny over to random gum-smacking teenage couples so they can play house for a little while. Oh, but it's not TV, it's birth control. That's their tag line.

If you hand your kid over to one of these shows, they should revoke your custody. Is that not obvious to everyone else? Who hands their toddler or younger child over to some television producers so that young Tiffani or Brittnei or whoever can totally prove that she's, ya know, awesomely ready to be a mom?!?

She's Two

2007-12-02T07:18:00.001-07:00

Our girl turns two today. I can spend the day, no matter how much work we have to do on the house, secure in the notion that I have no chance of being busier today than I was two years ago.

I Fought the Balrog and I Won

2007-11-30T23:23:00.001-07:00

My LOTRO kinship took down the Balrog! Hardest fight in the game. :)

I'm the one in the front on the left, playing my lute. Click for larger version.

Did she pick out the dress with this in mind?

2007-11-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

Maybe, just maybe you haven't seen this. Most of you who might read this have day jobs and I found this via my good friend Ellen DeGeneres. It reminded me of Dr. Heimlich and his Thriller story, but this also has a charm all of its own.

You have to play through the first part. Bear with me and wait for the awesome.

Oh, Realtors

2007-11-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

You sit and listen to us and nod. You seem like normal people. Then you talk out loud, and the following becomes apparent:

a) You don't hear inconvenient details.
b) You willfully ignore anything you don't like.
c) You especially ignore anything that will reduce your commission, even if it's in the best interests of all (say, in getting a house bought or sold in the first place).

You're all very warm and huggy, signing off emails with "warmest regards", but you'd suggest conveying our kids along with the house to make the sale if you thought you could get away with it.

Worst Advice Ever

2007-11-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

DEAR [author name redacted]: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. Everyone says I'm cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).

All my guy friends think I'm awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I'm not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend."What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don't they think I could be "girlfriend material"? [advice-seeker name redacted]

DEAR [name redacted]: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.

-----------------

What a total load of horseshit. "Be yourself" unless you happen to not be girly enough, and then you'd better run off and bake a pie/do your nails/flip your hair if you want a boyfriend, honey. That is such total crap.

How about this:

You haven't met the right guy who is attracted to you for who you are and the things you like to do. Keep being you, keep looking, and don't amp up a single fucking thing that isn't a true portrayal of who are. The right guy will like you even if you *gasp* like to bungee jump.

Want

2007-11-21T07:23:00.001-07:00

I'm boring those of you who read Boing Boing, but I want one of these bookshelves REALLY BAD. Enough that I'm starting to wonder how much a scroll saw would cost so I could make the brackets and parens myself.

Oh my god the math geek in me is screaming out for justice. I need to own this, and the flash site for the original designer doesn't say anything about options to purchase one, which either means I can't buy one or it would cost much more than I can reasonably set aside for a purchase like this.

Expelled

2007-11-18T12:32:00.001-07:00

Oh, Ben Stein. WTF is this supposed to be?

How can you be so repressed when you're the MAJORITY?

The Explosion

2007-11-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

The game is on. The avalanche of new words coming from the B has begun, just as everyone kept telling me that it would. We knew she understood a lot of what we were saying, but now so much more of the noises she makes are actual words instead of gibberish.

No matter how prepared you think you are for it, when she suddenly pops out with "butterfly" (well, okay, "buh-fwy!") while pointing to the embroidered outline of a butterfly on her sleeper, it's still a little mind-bending.

We've been writing down new words on our wall calendar, on the day we're sure she's saying it with intention. That went from a bit of ink on the calendar in September, to a smattering in October, to "oh my gosh, we're running out of room every day" in November.

This morning, she said, "pants" when we were getting out her clothes for the day. She's a little person! She feels more and more like an independent being every day, but it's moments like that when you realize exactly how far she's come.

Dvorak Schmorak

2007-11-10T13:03:00.001-07:00

I've had a passing interest in the Dvorak keyboard ever since I first heard of it. The notion of being able to type faster than I already do (~90 wpm) is extremely compelling. Mind you, I've used QWERTY since I was (literally) three years old, learning how to spell in front of a manual typewriter with my mother asking me to find letters and type words, so I would guess my QWERTY typing is so ingrained that it would be impossible to supplant with another system.

(Learning to spell on a keyboard is clearly why my handwriting is so horrible, but I'd pick fast typing over good handwriting any day.)

I stumbled over a Dvorak keyboard article, and went to our old friend, Wikipedia, to get a look at this superior layout. I have to say, I'm unimpressed.

Look at the placement of some pretty commonly-used characters, like "r", for example. Ring finger on right hand, not on the home row. Not exactly a power placement. Common punctuation like (" , .) on the left hand, and not on the home row. Bleh. "L" might not be the most-used consonent ever, but how does it rate being in the gulag up there? The "l" key is the top-row equivalent to the bottom-row key for the same finger, which is "z". Madness.

Writers of any discipline that includes dialog wouldn't benefit from the " moving, would they? To say nothing of ' being so far away from a power position, because I personally cannot say that I would enjoy avoiding contractions and sounding like Data from "Star Trek" all the time.

Vowels all jumbled together on the left hand. Ugh. Every word has a vowel in it. Most people's left hand is weaker than their right. So why overstress the left hand with all that typing? QWERTY puts two on the left and three (or four, if you count "y") on the right, which is a nice balance for most people.

I can't believe programmers of most of the modern programming languages would benefit from this setup. Lots of ":" and ";" used in coding, you know. There are some disciplines that probably use ";" more often than letters like "h" and "n".

And on a personal note, I think all of us would have to look at the keyboard layout above to see how inconvenient typing our names would be, as it's something you usually have occasion to type, especially if you regularly use it in your email address or business correspondence. I have to say, typing my full name would be a complete bummer on this keyboard.

I'm at a loss as to why this keyboard is supposed to be so efficient. Looks like a horrible design to me, but people swear by the Dvorak layout, I know. I guess it works for them, but I'll stick with what I know in this case.

I wanted to like you, Dvorak keyboard. I did. It'll just never work out between us.

The Rumor on the Street Is...

2007-11-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

EGM says that Samba de Amigo is coming to Nintendo Wii. Who wants to have some exciting maraca-based rhythm game fun?

Let Science Win

2007-11-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

If you give a rat's ass about scientific principles, and about keeping the planet habitable for humans for upcoming generations, for cryin' in the sink, go here and vote for the Bad Astronomy blog.

The blog currently in the lead is a shill operation for political pandering to big corporations who are putting their fingers in their ears and yelling, "La la la! Humans have zero effect on the ecosystem, because that would be financially inconvenient! La la la!" A lot of people from that part of the political spectrum (ahem, that's as nicely as I can put that) are being sent to the awards site to vote for the pseudo-science site, and now it's winning.

I realize in all irony that I'm essentially doing the same thing, and telling you to go and vote blindly in a contest you didn't even know about a few minutes ago. Listen. I'd tell you to check all of them out and vote for the one you like, but in this case, Bad Astronomy has the best chance of winning AND representing the true, unbiased scientific process.

So if you give a crap, go and click. Thanks.

I Fought a Balrog and the Balrog Won

2007-10-30T09:09:00.001-06:00

Lord of the Rings: Online just released a content patch that introduces a huge new raid instance of 9 major bosses, including a Balrog as the last one. "You shall not pass!"

My kinship cleared "The Rift" to the Balrog two nights ago and got our first real shot at the fella last night. I honestly think we did really well to even get to the Balrog part of the fight. It's a mind-bendingly difficult instance that isn't very forgiving of anyone's attention wandering.

Gaquin

2007-10-23T21:54:00.000-06:00

That's as close as I can come to spelling it the way it sounds. This is what our B is calling her father, and no, it wasn't just a couple of times. She's saying it repeatedly, and clearly indicating that he is the one she is talking about.

For instance, he came out of the restroom the other day, and she ran over and shouted, "Gaquin!" He was away from the house and she sadly repeated, "Gaquin...Gaquin..." over and over throughout the day until he returned.

She's given him a name. Me? I'm just that lady who's always around, despite the fact that she did spend a long time calling me "Mama". Now I'm too ubiquitous for a name.

We also took a long, exhausting, interesting trip, which I will not jinx by talking about it. More on that as news arrives on our shores.

Screw You, Her Depot

2007-10-15T07:55:00.001-06:00

Please observe this news on The Consumerist, that Home Depot is opening a series of stores for all of us poor, unfortunate females who lack the ability to comprehend things like nails or thermostats, or the ability to withstand a moment in front of something so unsightly as a bag of dirt or grass seed. They are calling these stores Her Depot, the store for the poor little ladies who are, of course, all scared by the big, scary hardware store.

Seriously, condescension just drips off of this little venture. Screw you if you think I don't know how to pick out a drill or a belt sander. Screw you if you think we don't possess the ability to pick up these skills if we need them. Home maintenance is something anyone who owns a home should be prepared to noodle their way through, unless you go the handyman route, which is fine too. But don't give me a dumbed-down, less "frightening" store where the little lady can pick out light bulbs without all that lumber in the corner scaring her.

Just screw you.

OMG Peep

2007-10-12T22:17:00.000-06:00

So, I already purchased the B's Halloween costume. I got a worn-once, cute as a button bunny costume, complete with built-in head/ears/tail. She already has little white tennis shoes she can wear with it.

Then I saw...well...this.

This is not the B's costume. I just found it. It's $40. Ridiculous. Ludicrous. (want want want want)

Those of you who truly know me know how I love my Peeps. The year I was working my tail off to the lose over 90 pounds, I asked the mister to hide a box of Peeps in the house during Easter season and then serve a single Peep up to me each night. This is how important Peeps are to me. This is also the last year that we will most likely have complete authority over what the B will wear. Next year, she'll have her own preference. She'll want to be a princess or a volleyball or goodness only knows what.

So my dream of a Peeps Halloween costume is likely at an end, as no child would look at that costume and consent to be dressed in it unless they were simply too young to understand that they should scream, "No!" and run away. Sigh.

(There is an adult version of the costume, actually. I suppose next year I could make a deal with the child for us to "dress alike" and then buy both versions. I can dream, right?)

So, Yeah

2007-10-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

So, if you read my mister's blog, you'll know by now that we lost his brother, Mike, a couple of weeks ago.

I'd also like to thank everyone who has helped us, and let you know that we are limping through as best as we can. Mike was the first person who seemed to embrace the whole crazy idea of the mister and I getting married four or five months after meeting on the internets, so he really will always hold a special place for me, as well. He never treated me like an outsider, even when it was completely reasonable to be wary of the whole situation.

I had my browser window open to this Create Post page when my sister in law called me to ask me to come over. I had started a post to bitch about some of the women on "The View" not being sure if the Earth was flat or not, because they weren't sure what the Bible had to say on that subject. It seemed really important at the time. At that point, I only had four minutes or so more of blissful ignorance until I pulled up in front of her house and saw the police car. Nothing good ever started with a police car in your driveway. Really, it was rather awful. I hope none of you ever have to drive around a corner to see something like that.

So hug each other and take care of each other and remember not to throw away opportunities to show people that you care about them. You really can blink and find the world has changed around you when you open your eyes again.

Card Arcade Game

2007-09-18T15:06:00.000-06:00

Hey, some of you might care about this new arcade game which may or may not be landing on American soil sometime soon.

But who wants to play against an NPC?

A Job's a Job, But...

2007-09-10T08:58:00.000-06:00

Wallace from Veronica Mars has been spotted in a supporting role in...

...a Hot Pockets commercial.

Ugh. If you think YOU wish VM had been picked up for another season, just imagine how much he wishes it had.

It's Official, the Airports and Airlines Think That They Run Our Lives

2007-09-05T17:35:00.001-06:00

Hey there, Keith, who works for Southwest Airlines?

Who made you the fashion police? Sit down, take a few deep breaths, and STFU. And Southwest, you have no choice but to fire such a buttwipe. So get to it. No half-hearted apologies, no "oh, I didn't know I don't run the world" BS, fire his ass.

This is what happens when you create an environment like the police state that exists in the airports. The people who are there all the time forge an unrealistic view of reality, and you get crap like this. Wake up, realize that your trip to the airport in a car was more dangerous than the actual airport/plane part of your trip, and let's get our heads back out there, huh?

Holy Cats

2007-08-26T22:23:00.000-06:00

Bob Saget is really, really funny in his new HBO special. Warning to you, though, he works so blue that he'd disappear against a blue screen. He makes Lewis Black and George Carlin look innocent by comparison. (Still love ya, Lewis and George.)

Holy moly. So blue. If you've seen him in The Aristocrats then you have an idea of what's in store for you. So funny.

Idiot Parent Nation

2007-08-23T10:55:00.000-06:00

All right, what fucking idiot parent would agree to the terms demanded by the network in order to ~~sentence~~ send your kid to be on the upcoming television fiasco, Kid Nation?

The agreement these brain surgeons signed in order to make their little princes and princesses TV stars-for-five-minutes includes a blanket waiver of liability for death, severe injury, or contraction of a sexually transmitted disease during the program's taping.

Holy WTF.

Read about this bullshit courtesy of the Smoking Gun and then weep for the dumb shit that people will do to be on the tee vee.

The World Hates Wide Feet

2007-08-21T09:28:00.000-06:00

You know what, shoe companies? Screw you.

I've written to every single one of you to point out that there is a non-negligible population of toddlers with wide feet. Those toddlers have parents with credit cards, but we don't relish having to pay the ridiculous prices (two to three times what most parents pay for shoes) for the one and a half specialty brands that cater to all the widths. Every shoe company has written back with a polite, "Why don't you and your kid go eff off, because we don't care."

Even the couple of companies that charge in the $18-$30 range for wide shoes offer two wonderful varieties to choose from: the "ugly white shoe" and the "ugly black shoe". News flash: those shoes suck. Plus, I don't want to buy the same damn shoe in a new size every time her feet get larger. Call me crazy, but part of the fun of having a wonderful, goofy little girl who twirls around in the living room until she gets dizzy is dressing her in fun, unique, quirky stuff you can only really get away with when you're two or three years old.

So yes, there's Stride Rite. And when they have a sale, I can buy those shoes without having to breathe into a paper bag to calm myself down, because the only shoes I've bought for myself that cost that much have been specialty athletic shoes. And Stride Rite makes cute damn shoes, too, and I've never had them sigh at me when I hold up a shoe and ask if they have it in a wide width.

If they can do it, why doesn't anyone else bother at least trying to make a cute little WIDE pink shoe for my poor little girl? What did she do to you shoe manufacturers? Were you all beat up in grammar school by little girls with wide feet? Get over it and realize that not every product you sell has to be made only to cater to the majority. You can make a couple in a wider width without the world crashing down around your shoulders. Just widen the pattern, you idiots.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. And I'm not buying your shoes for myself, either. I'm waiting for adult Stride Rites, so that the only company that gives a rat's poo about my daughter gets all my money.

Bargains!

2007-08-15T21:58:00.001-06:00

I went to a special consignment sale for kiddie stuff today that was organized for charity, and it was super-sweet! This was the "pay to get in" day, but it was only $2, and I figured, "Why not?"

Man, did I clean up getting there just after they opened.

Nice little play kitchen, with a bunch of food-related bits to play with and stick in the drawers and stuff, only $30! It was really clean and nice. Looks like it was played with about four times.

The B's Halloween costume! We were looking into kitty costumes, in honor of her recently beginning to say "kitty", but this bunny costume, worn once and looking pristine, was only $5!

And in a more embarrassing point, I also learned that the B knows (putting bag over my head) the name of at least one of the Teletubbies, and she decided it was important enough to actually say it. She doesn't say "milk" or "more" or "hungry" or anything useful like that, but she knows which Teletubby "Po" is, and she can say his name when she sees him.

Goofily embarrassing as it is, and yes, I know she shouldn't watch Teletubbies, but we DO interact while she's watching it, and it makes her so unbelievably happy that I can't help myself. I bought her the little Po figurine and she's been carrying it around, loving all over it. She even gave it a little kiss.

Nice outing, though, all around!

Mommy Brain

2007-08-14T22:18:00.000-06:00

Earlier today, when I didn't have hands free to type, I thought of a great idea for a blog post. It seemed really important and insightful. I also remember that it, shockingly, had nothing to do with the B. I even remember chuckling to myself over some random pun or something that I was going to include.

Yeah, that's all gone now. I can tell you how many ounces of milk the B drank today, and I can also tell you, down to the penny, how much the two pair of usually-outrageously-expensive Stride Rite shoes that I got for the B that were marked down 60% and 80%, respectively, cost me. (Damn her cute little wide feet that no one but Stride Rite seem to care enough about to make shoes for.)

See you later, post idea. Maybe you'll visit again. But I doubt it.

I Have the Power

2007-08-13T21:20:00.000-06:00

So, the wind blew above 10 miles per hour during a thunderstorm last night, and 50,000 people in our area lost power. Including us.

It was a million degrees here last night, and has been surface-of-the-sun hot for over a week now. We also use a baby monitor without a battery backup, though we have a secondary monitor that does operate via battery.

However, at 1:00 a.m., do you really want to be in your kid's pitch black, completely silent room trying to sneak a fresh 9V battery into the nursery unit (I was pretty sure it was a fairly run-down battery in there) without waking up the baby? I decided just to wave the white flag and bring her in with us, something that ensured that none of us got a lot of sleep last night.

This morning, we still had no power, and the number of households in the blackout weren't getting lower very quickly. No ETA's from the power company, either, although they always seem to be working hard to restore power when this happens.

The real problem isn't the power company and how quickly they restore power. The real problem is that a rat's misplaced sigh seems to be enough to set off some sort of blackout chain reaction. The technicians seem to be hard working and well-intentioned, but I can only assume that some areas of our county have such woefully outdated or just plain busted power infrastructure that we'll have these issues over and over.

It always seems to be the same zip codes. It always seems to be the same damn houses in those zip codes. It makes me want to call the power company and beg them to raise everyone's rates some infinitesimal amount and upgrade the damn breakers or whatever is not toting its load. I am so sick of either freezing or roasting in this house without climate control.

The B, on not a lot of sleep and a crappy nap the afternoon before besides, did a wonderful job soldiering through this morning. I took her out to Target, Kohl's and then St. Louis Bread Company for an early lunch, and she was a trooper. She waved at people and stomped around, still in a good mood, but boy if she didn't just collapse when I put her down for her nap.

Best moment of the day was when I was leaving Bread Co. and called our answering machine one more time before giving up and taking the B to our BIL and SIL's for her nap (because they had power) and discovered that we got our power restored just in time for her room to cool down enough for her to nap in.

Seriously, though. I've never lived anywhere that had so many troubles with its infrastructure. The cable is iffy. The power is iffy in lots of areas. Property taxes per square foot are comparable to our last house, only the city doesn't pay for trash collection out of that kitty. It's just insane, but no one is interested in fixing it. The only things that are argued over in our elections are social issues that the candidates have no intention on following through with anyway, just interested in using the hot button issues to get elected.

Fix it! Fix it so those poor techs aren't out in the middle of the night, in the rain, trying to get our power back. Won't someone please think of the techs?

Breaking News: Bye-Bye, and a Sentence

2007-08-11T10:22:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, the B debuted the use of "bye-bye", complete with wave and crystal clear speech. It's so unbelievably strange to hear babble coming from her most of the day, then hear one word of English poking through. Sort of like watching something in a foreign language and then suddenly hearing them say one word of English that's crept into their language. Like:

French french french french french hamburger french french french.

So, I was chuffed enough about the "bye-bye", and she one-upped herself on that very same day. The mister came home and went upstairs to change, and she walked him to the gate, waved as he disappeared up the stairs, and said:

"Bye-bye. Bye-bye, daddy." Again, crystal bloody freakin' clear. Not just in terms only a parent could pick out, but anyone could tell what she was saying.

Still, it's a long road ahead to hearing her say "unconscionable" or "discourse" or anything else like that, but we're on it, dammit. We're on it.

Online Bill Pay Saved My Bacon

2007-08-05T09:47:00.001-06:00

I meant to post about this before, but completely forgot.

When we went to the lake for a week or so awhile back, my second bill-paying session of the month fell during the vacation. (Yes, I'm that scheduled, that I have two days a month where I sit down and queue up the bills, and my Google Calendar is set up to send me reminders to do it. I highly recommend this.)

I meant to do them early, but getting ready for the trip and B wrangling ate up all my time, and the day we were leaving, I still had a pile of un-queued bills. I then meant to grab my bills and I would queue them once we got onto a trusted wireless network at the lake. (I don't recommend accessing your bank account or other financial information on a hotel wireless network. Maybe that's paranoid, but I still wouldn't do it.)

Well, I forgot to grab the pile of bills as we left the house. What I did have was my payment history, all in one place on my bank's website. With that, I had average bill amounts (and many of our bills don't vary from month to month, like cable, wireless, etc.) and monthly due dates, all without a single bill that was mailed to me. I just queued the payments for what I thought were ballpark correct amounts, erring on the side of having a credit instead of underpaying.

When I got back and went through the bills, I found that I had everything covered, and we only had a credits of more than $5 with one bill, where we have a $20 credit for next month.

If your bank offers you free online bill pay, I'd give it a look. I really appreciated its existence last month, because it saved me from trying to remember every bill, remember separate login information for all their websites, and then saved me "online bill pay fees" that some of our bills charge for paying them online.

This message was brought to you by the number 14 and the letter K. The more you know, the more you grow.

Happy 20 Monthday B

2007-08-02T10:24:00.000-06:00

Twenty months doesn't sound like that long, does it? Well, considering she went from a tiny bundle of helplessness to a creature who can run and babble and wave goodbye to her father when he only talks about leaving and before he even gets to the door, I can tell you that to some people, 20 months is a long time.

"Kitty" Day

2007-07-31T08:47:00.000-06:00

Starting last night and then solidifying today, the B can say "kitty". Not randomly, but when she sees a cat or wants to see one of our cats.

She even put two words together and said, "Hi, kitty" and waved to the cat. This isn't a big deal for a lot of 20 month olds, but for the B, who has been stubborn about sticking to Brigidese and not English, this is a very welcome development.

I did it too!

2007-07-22T07:56:00.000-06:00

For the record, we were in Iowa yesterday morning on the way home from the lake. I didn't get a copy of HP 7 in my hands until 8:30 am yesterday morning, and I was reading in the car while trying to keep the baby entertained as well. I finished about 5/6 of the book in the car, and then the rest after we let the poor B sleep in her own crib for an hour or so once we got home.

So, yeah. Can't spoil me either. :p

A Quick Note

2007-07-20T19:07:00.000-06:00

I have a million other things to say, but I will leave you with this one bit of wisdom that I just re-learned. When you are filling up a whirlpool tub, do not turn on the jets until they are all submerged in water. Unless you want to look like you are in a Marx Brothers skit.

OotP Movie Musings

2007-07-16T12:46:00.000-06:00

Thanks to my nephew, who consented to listen to the B over the baby monitor for three hours, we saw Order of the Phoenix last night.

Spoilers for the movie/book forward from this point. This is your final warning.

I'm not one of those "but it's not exactly like the book!" people. I'm really not. However, that being said, I think the movie left out one rather important thing. They never had Umbridge say that she was the one who set the Dementors on Harry while he was at his Aunt and Uncle's. That was a rather interesting thing in the book, since everyone would otherwise have naturally assumed that Voldie had done it after recruiting them to his side, but the fact that Umbridge did it really shone a light on the themes of governmental corruption and totalitarianism that were in the book. Sort of a proof that the "big bad" isn't the only bad.

It's slightly minor, but that's my only real complaint. (Well, the Dept. of Mysteries battle could have been longer, and Harry's time at Privet Drive, as always, could have been shorter, but that's also just my opinion.)

God, I hate the Dursleys.

In An Attempt to Reassure Myself

2007-07-08T21:11:00.000-06:00

Everyone says, including me, that all the baby and toddler milestones will come with time. I say this all the time, and back when I went to a twice-monthly "first time moms" group for 0-12 month old babies, I said it many, many times to mothers of younger babies who were anxious about the things their kids weren't doing yet.

The B crawled a little "late", in quotes because there is no "late" for crawling. Many kids don't even crawl at all, actually. It was worrying when other 6 month olds were crawling all over the place and the B was sitting up and grinning at me, but I got over it and she crawled in her own time.

The issue now is different. What she's doing is basically refusing to pick up english words for things. Yes, she says "uh-oh" a lot, and it's clear she's using it in a particular context. She's been known to say "mama" occasionally and actually says "dada" a lot more than that. The immediate questions are this: 1) Is it because we attempted (though she didn't reliably pick up) baby signing, because a lot of people tout "speech delays" as a reason not to do it (which I still say is crap) and 2) Well, you really need to double-check for autism signs.

Now, on #1, if she is delayed because of the little amount that the signing I tried to do with her actually sunk in, I really don't care about the delay. I think the communication the signing could have afforded us would have been easily worth the delay she's experiencing now. So that's a non-issue really, but I don't think the delay has a single thing to do with signing, mostly because she seemed to view it as a cute thing that mama did but nothing that had anything to do with her.

On #2, that is, of course, the heart-stopping question that most parents of preschool aged kids don't really like to even think about. It's not the end of the world if your kid is autistic by any means, as all of the families who are living with autism could readily attest. It isn't, however, anything that a parent would choose for their kids, and I really hope they find a cure or a treatment for it one day, so that people in the autism spectrum could emerge a little bit more from their internal worlds and let us all get to know the person they truly are.

All that being said, no matter how much crazy, wonderful, exhausting, sweet interactions the B has that clearly indicate that she displays none of the other signs of being in the autism spectrum, there is part of me that can't release that last little bit of doubt. I will be able to relax so much more when she starts using words as labels for things, and when she starts to put together her two word sentences.

I have heard so many anecdotal stories about kids who refuse to talk until they've mastered sentences internally, or kids who were delayed and went on to be completely normal. I've heard and personally cited that famous story about Einstein waiting until he was 3 to speak more times than I can possibly relate to you.

Mostly, though, I think it comes down to this. That day you go to the hospital (or stay at home, or wherever you deliver your baby) and you meet your child, one of the things you are gripped by is an intense desire to learn who that little person is. What will they be, how will they act, what innate proclivities will they show? Some things are nurture, certainly, but so much of temperament and disposition, any parent will tell you, is largely innate.

I've never been a patient woman. I want sentences. I want to laugh at her silly jokes or mispronunciations the same way that she makes me laugh by playing with her toys in a funny way, or making a goofy face. I know she's in there. I have a sense of her. I'm just verbal enough, though, to really feel like I don't know her the way I will after she can talk to me. I want to converse.

The ironic part of this is this: I'm sure in a couple of months or so, maybe a half year or perhaps even a full year, I will be posting to ask all the other parents where my kid's off button is. At this point, though, I can't help looking forward to that day.

Happy Fourth of July

2007-07-04T19:59:00.001-06:00

Originally uploaded by lostonpurpose.

The B (and her parents) would like to wish you a happy Independence Day. Unless you are not American, in which case, she would just like you to have a nice, regular day.

That's Harsh, YouTube

2007-06-24T10:43:00.000-06:00

B Update: She Has a Trike

2007-06-23T21:58:00.000-06:00

Click on a pic to see it bigger at Flickr.

Aggravation

2007-06-23T21:39:00.000-06:00

So, when a big famous website where people auction stuff sends you an alert telling you that you have to update information in your account, and you actually go to their website (to make sure it's legit), find the alert message, and then click the link in it to update, shouldn't that fix the problem?

No! Apparently, it shouldn't. You see, the link in the alert message only updates half of the info you need to update. The other half is, of course, not even listed as steps or as a link in the alert message.

To some of us who are easily annoyed by an alert message (that you can't delete, by the way, even though you followed all the instructions in it, because you, of course, didn't follow the secret instructions that aren't there) this is enough to drive you nuts. Nuts enough to contact the customer service of the site and ask for the stupid thing to get nuked I don't have to look at it anymore.

Cut to the response from customer service, snarkily telling me what I should have done. I even opened the alert message up again to see if I just missed this part, but I didn't. It's not there. When I inquired why this part of the procedure (which does not follow naturally from the instructions provided, by the way) isn't listed in the message that was designed to get you to accomplish both tasks, I got a non-response, a boilerplate restating the instructions I got originally, as though I was too dumb to follow the first one.

No, no. You don't realize that I'm trying to help you by pointing out all the time of yours and ours you're wasting when you don't tell us what you actually want us to do. I bet they wonder why no one updates their information, too.

Real head-scratcher, that one.

Oh, and I updated the info. The alert's still there, and I still can't delete it, even though they said I'd be able to once I finished the sooper seekrit part of the process. For heaven's sake.

Choosing a Class

2007-06-20T12:50:00.000-06:00

So, I started playing an MMO again, like I mentioned in a recent post. It's something to do while the B is napping and I'm captive in the house. I didn't reactivate my WoW account, though, because everyone I know in there is leagues ahead of me in levels, and I'd be a big drag. Plus, there was a game I wanted to check out.

We got LotR: Shadows of Angmar. Initially, the mister was the one who bought it, but I found it really fun to play during B's naps, so I've really been monopolizing it. Now, that game is really quest-oriented, so if you're going to be flaky (as in, if she wakes up, I have to log out, and RIGHT NOW) then there's only one thing you can do.

And that's be a healer.

People will put up with just about anything if they can play with a healer. There are so few of us, and stuff is so much easier to do when you, you know, don't die. It's like being the kid in school who had the really great heated pool. You're popular because of what you bring to the table.

But what class should you choose, if you choose to play an MMORPG?

Answer this question: What do you like to do?

1. I like to watch numbers instead of the pretty fighting. I can do math in my head, and quickly. I like to do things as efficiently as possible. I like to be liked.
2. I like to stay out of the way, but still have some effect on stuff. I'm sneaky. I like to watch the pretty fighting. I'd get bored watching a bunch of numbers.
3. I like to make people mad at me. I can keep track of three or four things at a time. I like a flurry of activity and then I like to relax. I trust my fellow players to do their jobs.
4. Hulk smash!

Answer key:
1. You are a healer. Embrace it. Roll it. Put on the cloth, baby.
2. You are ranged DPS. Buy yourself a bow, find an out of the way place, and deal out the damage.
3. You are a tank. Get yourself some macros to pull all the enemies to you, increase your threat, and then sit back and let the healers keep you alive while the DPS does the killin'.
4. Wait, I'll use little words. You are up-close DPS. Try not to do too much, or you anger Mr. Tank.

And if you didn't answer 1, then do the healers a favor, and stay where they can bloody see you! If you run behind them, don't yell at them when you die. (For heaven's sake.)

(More updates coming soon, including B updates.)

Two Very Unrelated Things

2007-06-10T13:45:00.001-06:00

I am just lifting my head out of a period of extreme weirdness here, and I have two odd things to share with you.

First, in playing a bit of LOTR: Shadows of Angmar, I encountered an odd situation. I was invited to help with a quest, and I warned everyone there that I might have to leave partway through if my napping baby woke up. It was all right with everyone there, but one of them said, "Dude, isn't that what your wife is for?"

There are a couple of things wrong with that. He assumed I was male because I was playing an MMORPG. He also assumed that it's the woman's job to attend to the baby. I just laughed and ignored it, because who wants to type enough in one of those tiny MMO chat windows enough info to set that guy straight? Plus, what's the right answer? "I am the mom"? That implies that it's always my job to get her when she wakes. Better to just ignore it.

Second, while I was playing, I had Snakes on a Plane on (Netflixed) in the background. Worst movie ever made. Seriously. I was only giving it about 40% of my attention, and it still bored me to tears. Just horrible. Why did we ever waste the queue space on it?

The worst part is that I'd heard from just about everyone how horrible it was, and I still had to see it for myself. Yikes.

Ow

2007-06-07T21:08:00.001-06:00

Today, the B was resisting a quite necessary diaper change (TMI: because of a bit of a rash) and was flailing her arms around. Unfortunately for me, she was holding her hard plastic sippy cup in her hand, and it connected with my nose.

It was only love the deepest parental sort that allowed me to hang on to her (I'd picked her up intending to comfort her because I knew she would be upset about the diaper change) while the birds and stars orbited my head. If I'd been hanging on to anything else that weighed 27 pounds while I was that stunned and in pain, I'd have dropped it.

A little ice and some Advil seem to be doing the trick, though I was afraid at first that it re-broke my nose. Still feels heavy and strange, but I think it's okay. Yow.

Spam, How Do You Know Me So Well?

2007-06-04T11:29:00.000-06:00

I just got a spam message that was sandwiched between two excerpts from Jane Austen's "Emma". How do you know, internets, about my recent obsession with Jane Austen's books?

That's just creepy.

18 Months

2007-06-02T23:31:00.001-06:00

18 months ago today, I was lying in a hospital bed, worried that we'd never figure out how to take care of a baby.

Now she's walking, talking (a little English, but mostly Brigidese) and generally causing a ruckus. That last part, if nothing else, proves conclusively that she's our little girl.

It's been a great adventure so far. I can't wait for the rest. Happy year and a half day, B.

Involuntary Lack of Personal Responsibility

2007-05-24T19:58:00.000-06:00

So, Josh Hancock's father is suing the restaurant where his son got drunk past the legal limit after drinking alcoholic drinks that he ordered, making the assertion that his son was under "involuntary intoxication". Go look that up. I'll wait.

Back? Yeah. That basically is a defense you can use if you drink punch out of the punchbowl at a party, believing it to be regular punch, but it was secretly spiked with alcohol. Or, say, if someone slips you a downer in a drink, and you don't realize you've ingested anything.

If someone keeps filling your glass in a bar and you drink the shit, it's your fricking fault if you drink it. If you don't want more beer, don't drain the glass. My dad didn't like to drink, but he was frequently at parties where people kept trying to buy him a drink. He'd order a drink when he got there and just carry it around, then set down the full glass on his way out. It kept people from offering to get him something, and he didn't have to drink or explain why he didn't want to.

Is the dad going to sue the cell phone company for not telling him not to talk on his phone when his drunk ass was driving way over the speed limit and he's not belted in or looking where he's going? He's suing everyone else: the manager of the bar, the tow truck driver, and the owner of the car the tow truck driver was there to help. When lots and lots of other cars saw the big flashing lights of the tow truck because they weren't drunk off their asses and weren't speeding out of control while distracted talking on a phone. You better watch where your car breaks down, because if a professional athlete drives his car into it, you're going to go bankrupt trying to defend yourself.

It's everybody's fault but the guy who drank the alcohol and drove his car without any regard for his safety or anyone else's. You asses. I don't feel bad for you at all anymore. You are now the least sympathetic people in this whole debacle.

Mother's Day in Reverse

2007-05-13T13:45:00.000-06:00

Thank you, B, for showing up and letting me be your mom. When I remember stuff from five or six years ago, I catch myself wondering things like, "But where was the B?" before I realize you weren't around yet.

I hope, when you're old enough to decide, that you'll be glad I was your mom.

Sucking at Geography Since 1972

A Couple of Rock Band 2 Notes

Third Birthday Party

I Did It!

Neat Surprises Just Before You Go To Bed

Okay, Let's Think of a New Way to Market Toys

Why I'll Be Buying Some Presents from Amazon.Com This Year

Possible Breakthrough?

Campaign Ads

Two Speeches from 11/04/08

This Service Brought to You By Google and Me!

Tomorrow it will be OVER

Yet Another "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn!" Moment

Homeowners No More

Playing to the Crowd

Can't Take It Anymore

Denver Question

This is HILARIOUS

No, Really..."No Thanks!"

Let Me Help You Out

Craftiness

Blech

Yo Melora Melora

Palin Was Picked Because...

What's Cindy's Last Name?!?

To the Airline Industry

Stupidest Website Registration EVER

I Won't Now, Nor Will I Ever Vote for a Book-Burner

From Camel to Duck

Building with Duplos

But You're Not There on Saturday and Sunday, Morons!

I Guess I Have to Buy Singstar Now?

Best Timing Ever

Ant and/or Dec

Can't Buy Me Kite

Pants -> Skirt

Two Meditations on Replacing a Cable Box

Crap

I Hope She's Not On To Something

Manditory Intelligence Testing Proposal for the TSA

Songs I Wish Were In Rock Band

Help Me, William H. Macy, You're My Only Hope

R.I.P. George

Rock Band Online Play, Plus One Funny Link

If You Haven't Seen This Man, Watch Him Now

Wii Fit Loses One Customer (Me): Cue Rending of Garments at Nintendo HQ (Not Really)

You May Have Played Too Much Rock Band Around Your Toddler When...

I Made CK Do It, So Shouldn't I? or, Eating My Own Dogfood

Idle Wondering

Mind Blown...Would Have Made Me INSANE Before the Prequels

Stickers

Mall Madness

Adding to the Discourse on 'Cool'

Bedtime Struggles Begin

PMOG

Who Programs These Phone Trees?

Are you completely kidding me?

She's Two

I Fought the Balrog and *I* Won

Did she pick out the dress with this in mind?

Oh, Realtors

Worst Advice Ever

Want

Expelled

The Explosion

Dvorak Schmorak

The Rumor on the Street Is...

Let Science Win

I Fought a Balrog and the Balrog Won

Gaquin

Screw You, Her Depot

OMG Peep

So, Yeah

Card Arcade Game

A Job's a Job, But...

It's Official, the Airports and Airlines Think That They Run Our Lives

Holy Cats

Idiot Parent Nation

The World Hates Wide Feet

Bargains!

I Fought the Balrog and I Won